Tomorrow I'm going back to CAMHS. I haven't been there in a year. I'm meeting my new psychiatrist. She will decide whether I need to change my meds, get put on anti-psychotics or get put in a psychiatry hospital. Tomorrow will literally decide the fate of my entire future and my brain is refusing to believe that it is really happening.
I haven't felt good at all today. There's a heatwave so I have to wear shorts and T-shirt or I melt. Which means no self harming or my mom will find out I'm doing it again. This also means that it is 100% more obvious that I'm physically female, making my dysphoria skyrocket.
It was father's day yesterday. (Or today, seeing as I am writing this at 1am. It was on Sunday) everyone was either talking about how much they love their dad, or complaining about him. I listened and pretended it wasn't upsetting me.
Little back story, my dad is barely a father. He is still around and I see him once a week, but he doesn't accept me or any of my decisions. He literally only sees us for 2 hours a week AT THE MOST.
There's much more but I won't go I to detail right now.
All-in-all, today was actually better than most days I've had recently.
I'm gaining weight again and I don't know how to feel. I'm 3 months clean from drug abuse and 3 days clean from self harm (but I'm sure I'll ruin that tonight). Again, have no idea how to react to that.
That's all I have to say for now. How should I end this? Should I do a diary of a wimpy kid and just end it sudde-
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Diary of the Mentally Ill
Non-FictionTRIGGER WARNING: Basically everything that can trigger a person. I'm 16, male, gay, oh, and I have an endless list of mental illnesses. Follow Lloyd on his journey through recovery. (I will not be sugarcoating anything. This is raw and unedited, pu...
