Fine White Lines

Chapter One

Jesse's POV

I think Connie's getting worse. I'm scared for her she smiles for everyone and tells them she's fine but I can see the tears that stream down her face when she's not with everyone else the pain it takes her to force them two words out "I'm Fine". She's lying to everyone, even me, she has shut me out which is what pains me the most. I just wish she can smile and say she is fine without having to convince herself each time. I know that she has been hurting herself again I can tell by the way she looks at me with guilt in her eyes as she made a promise to me that she would never do it again. I know it would be hard but I also know that she is strong enough to get through it as well. I just have to find the way for her to open up to me and trust me again and find a source of happiness for her if I can't be it. She needs something. Someone. I try to go to sleep but find it hard to get to sleep all I can do is think about her, I feel the need to protect her but I'm doing a pretty crappy job. Why couldn't this be cliché, why can't I fall in love with her and be the reason for her smile, it's times like this I wish I wasn't gay. For fuck sake why can't I be normal like every other guy. I stress myself out. I could feel sleep slowly drifting over me.

I woke up about 9:45 I had to go and check in with her Brother to see how she's doing and I knew now would be a good time to go round because she was going out for her run now and by the time I've got ready she would of gone out already which is what I wanted! I will time it just right so that when I get there is when she will be coming back from her run.

I get to her front door and knock on it and a very tired Connie opens the door but immediately shuts it again.

Connie's P.O.V

When I opened the door I didn't expect Jesse to be stood there but there he was. I didn't need to see him, he stopped caring about me he pushed me away when I needed him the most he is my rock my best friend my everything and he pushed me away to be popular I don't need to deal with his ballshit. My brother Jace comes over to me slumped against the front door.

"Connie let him in"

"Why should I he left me stranded alone with no one to turn to he stopped caring Jace"

The last bit came out a whisper and I started crying again, that has been my usual routine lately just crying, my brother wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed into his shoulder.

"You should let him in because he still does care, he comes round a lot to see how your doing now that your out of paradise, he is worried about you just as much as I am, we both know that Paradise has not helped you, I know you put on a show for everyone else till they let you out and I am glad they let you out they didn't help you they just taught you how to make people believe that you're better but me and him can see through that"

I was in shock but I had stopped crying and my brother went back to making the bacon and egg sandwiches.

I opened the door a little bit to see Jesse sat on my doorstep with his head in his hands. I quietly sat next to him and waited for him to notice that I was there. He looked up red eyed and just stared at me. I made him cry, he was hurting just as bad as I was without him. I stood up and held out my hands to help him up he took them and I pulled him into a massive hug, we were both crying and mumbling things that we didn't understand as we were such a mess. I was the first to talk

"Jesse don't ever leave me ever again I need you more than you think. It has been hell without you even in paradise when you didn't come and visit me I was crushed" I looked up at him with my big blue eyes and he was looking down at me.

"I won't ever leave you again, pushing you away was the stupidest thing I could ever of done and I wish I never done it I guess I didn't want to believe that you were hurting yourself and I did visit you many times but got as far as the main doors and couldn't go any further as I didn't wanna see you like it I didn't want to believe it"

"Your gunna have to believe it as that place never helped but I know you will be able to."

"How do you know I'm scared I don't wanna end up pushing you away again"

"Then don't and come and eat breakfast with us!"

I hugged him again I didn't believe that he was hurting aswel not having me I need him so much and I'm glad I have him back!