How Can I Even Hate You?

Chapter 4

Ace's pov

In the end, I didn't apologize at all. It's been a week that I didn't get to see him and when I visit his classroom, they would tell me that he's in the clinic the whole day. But when I visit the clinic, the nurse won't let me go to him since he 'requested' it, as what she said.

My longest, so far, girlfriend broke up with me 2 days ago since I ignored her ever since that day at the motel, though she's kind, I didn't seem to care. All I cared about is Austin! I keep on going to his house but he won't open the door. The whole day, I only thought about how should I apologize or how can I talk to him again. For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. I've been gloomy the whole day, sad and lonely. I've never been this quiet before especially when I'm with the group. I don't have someone to talk with every lunch, like I can't relate to my group's topic at all. Ugh! Its so boring! I wish Austin was here! I'm so frustrated. Is he really that hurt?? How can I make it up to him? Other than hurting his feelings because of this friends thing, I noticed that there is something more to it. Is it that he likes me? He even kissed me back in the hospital that day. I'm not as bad as I look, you know! I'm starting to worry for him and somehow I realized, he became so important to me that I don't even know when it started for me to think like that.

I was just joking around with him that day since it was his first, might as well steal it. He doesn't seem to be bothered by it or I just can't see right through him? I guess I can't. I already know he's gay and really good at hiding his feelings.

So after school, I walk over to his house again and knock several times. This time, he finally opened the door. His eyes are swollen, his face is pale and it seems that he lost more weight. Did I really hurt his feeling for him to look like this?

"I'm sorry I should've-" Before he say something else, I quickly walk towards him, pushed the door and wrap my arms around him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for thinking that we're friends… I'm so sorry," he said looking dejected. He leaned on my chest and wrap his arms around my waist.

"I should be the one to apologize for hurting your feelings," I let go and held his chin up. "I'm sorry. How can I make it up to you??"

"A kiss in the lips would be nice." He whispers while averting his eyes but he didn't know I heard that

"Okay!”

"Wha-" I held his face with both of my hands and pull it a bit closer to mine until our nose touches each other "Wha-what are you doing??" He blushes. Cute.

"I just heard what you said," I smirk then I tilt my head a bit and kiss his lips. I admit his lips are so soft and a bit pinkish than any other girls that I've dated. Now that I think of it, he is actually a pretty looking guy. More like he has this girly features. His eyes, nose, body, long lashes especially his lips. When I let go, his face went all red as panted. Its cute though. "So we're okay now?" I said as I go back to hugging him.

"Yeah!" He smiles brightly. "Thank you,"

"I just don't want to hurt you again that’s all,"

"Okay," he turns away looking dejected " Since you're here, come on in."

Why did his mood suddenly dropped? I really don’t understand him. Is my apology not enough?

Austin's pov

I guess we'll stay friends for awhile. Well its not like I'm expecting him to like me back but... actually I am expecting it but I guess there's no chance. What can you expect from a straight guy like him? How can I even hate that guy? Even he made me suffer for two years but I still ended up liking him. Just me being dumb about confusing love from hate. The next day, he still acts as he is. Its like nothing happened. Its so hard keeping my feelings for him! You know that feeling like they suddenly hugs you, or kiss you in the head, hands, neck, ear even the lips! We look more like friends with benefits rather than friend only.