Marshall Bates was a mystery to most in Highschool. He seemed perfect, untouchable and he was most certainly the hottest guy in school. What they didn't know was Marshall had a secret. When that secret is threatened by old enemies and new friends he...
Growing up, Marshall L. Bates knew he was a bit off. He didn't want to scare girls for attention or pull their pretty braids. He didn't want to throw dirt around and scream battle cries at poor innocent animals. And pretending to be a scary ogre that chases the girls? No, Marshall Bates wanted none of what people expected. He wanted none of the teasing or pestering the girls. He wanted none of the normal, he wanted something different but what did he want? What more could he have at the astonishing age of 6 and a half? He didn't understand, he was horribly confused.
And so his confusion only grew as he did. After his discovery at six he went through life, still wondering what he wanted. By time second grade came around he realized he would never be the same. Boys and girls held hands, boys liked girls. Girls liked boys. And he was alone. He tried to explain that he didn't want to hold hands with girls to the other boys but they just thought it was disgusting. He tried to tell the teacher when she told them to write her a letter about a problem they were having, he had to stay after school until his father got there, that's when things got sticky.
Dear, Mrs. Lymerson
I see boys and girls holding hands a lot. It doesn't bother me or anything and I'm not asking for you to make it stop ma'am. I am simply curious if I am aloud to hold hands with boys also? I asked other boys in class and some said no and some said they weren't sure. I've seen two boys hold hands a few times but I've only ever held my Father's.
From
Marshall L. Bates, Front row, seat 4
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Kicking his legs back and forth waiting outside the office, he heard his father yelling and a few other voices in the background. He wasn't sure what he did but he did something. As if on cue the door swung open and a big lady, he later learned to be named Miss Loonason ushered him into the room and motioned him to sit next to his father.
"Hello Marshall, I am goin' to ask you a few questions 'bout your home life." Miss Loonason started, "Ok, first question do you go to church?"
He nodded "Every sunday ever since I was 3, Ma'am."
The questions went on, it felt like hours. Marshall wasn't quite sure if he was in trouble or if his father was, due to the furious glares that kept being sent his way. Finally the last question came.
"Do you know the word gay?" She asked.
He nodded, his father said his uncle was gay and that means he was going to marry a man instead of a woman.
"God thinks it is very bad to be gay and he doesn't like it when two boys love each other like they are suppose to love girls, understand?" She stated.
He nodded with tears in his eyes, girls were pretty, but he couldn't love them. He felt his father's hand on his shoulder. He looked over at the older man and saw sympathy but regret.
"Mars, we can finish the conversation from today in the car, we're going to be late."
In the car ride he stayed silent looking at the growing desert landscape of the giant state of Texas. His heart ached knowing his life was at a fork in the road, he was never going to get the happily ever after with his own prince charming, he realized that now.
He needed to change. So he tried, and every single time he thought he was attracted to a girl he saw a boy and wanted to be with that boy, he wanted to hold them, love them until the end of time. He didn't want to disappoint the lord he followed, he wanted to be the same as everyone else.
He was even sent to a catholic school in the town over to see if that would help. It didn't. Not even close. Luckily he was able to leave when high school came around. He learned to hide his feelings for other boys and pretended to like girls, got a couple of girlfriends, even a scholarship to The University of Texas. All in junior year. He made enemies and best friends. He did experiment through the summer, he was sure boys were the way to go. He had to put that summer behind him and learn to live with the normal.
He discovered who he really was when he was alone. He enjoyed reading, big sweaters and joggers. He found out about pride parades and a whole world undiscovered by himself. He learned how to make exotic juices and weird teas. He learned what an aesthetic was and bought a camera just to take pictures. He played football and soccer. He got dirty and muddy, he flirted with girls and got into fights with people just because he didn't like them, when the world was watching him he was what they wanted. Normal, not a boy loving boy who did things that were considered "feminine".
He lied to the world that he had no secrets, he was a normal 18 year old boy. He did things that made him forget. Made him a happier person. Things that help him lie to himself. By the summer before college, his father said goodbye easily, being over the lies, the habits, the addiction. His father packed his bags and shipped himself off to Europe on a four month rendezvous. Leaving Marshall alone on the summer journey before college. With no love from father he started his summer locked away in his flat lying to himself everyday. He. Was. Not. Gay
It would seem that that was that, nothing could change his mind about the lie he was living. Not a thing, not a soul, no one, no body. He lived his lie and watched people live theirs. No one was truthful it would seem. He was able to keep a lie this long, and he could keep it forever. He would marry a beautiful girl and live a normal picket fence house life with no interruptions and his secret stored away forever. Or so he thought. The future is unpredictable, unstable and unsafe for the soul.
