I'm now speaking...I'm now seeing words appear on the screen...There are still words on the screen, which bodes well for me. Okay it's been a full two minutes and the words are still there. I think this is working. I am going to leave the room now and return in five minutes and hopefully the words are still there.
Sweet Jesus, it works! It works! Oh thank God!
Right, so I'm going to just explain everything. There is something really weird and frustrating going on right now, at this very instant that I'm speaking. I mean, writing. No, actually I do mean speaking. You see in reality I'm speaking aloud what you are reading; a computer program is dictating all this. My hand has not grasped a pen or pencil and put it to paper for you to be able to read this. And that relates to the very desperate quandary at hand.
Here's the weird thing – I can't write. I literally cannot write a single word and I am absolutely serious. Every time I write something on a blank surface with the aid of a writing tool, it disappears. My mind is overburdened with all these desperate, harried thoughts and yet I can't express them. This is like the opposite of writer's block – I'm not troubled that writing won't appear on my blank pages, I'm troubled that my writing disappears from my filled pages.
I first noticed this two days ago. It was in the afternoon. I seem to remember writing a shopping list, and so I go to the supermarket – I had to pick up some, um, milk and a newspaper – and when I get there I pull the list out and it's blank. I mean, logically I guess you could suppose I thought I'd written the list and just hastily left without checking twice. But that is so unlike me, that seems so odd to take a blank piece of paper with me. Utterly blank.
I'm beginning to see it's serious. Just earlier I had this amazing idea for a short story, but when I started to write it disappeared, as soon as I finished a sentence it just disappeared. Now my sheet of paper is blank, like I never touched it. But I specifically remember writing on it, I swear to God...
Am I losing my mind?
Things are a little more desperate now than simply being unable to think up a good story! It wasn't a dream. I'm not crazy. This thing is still happening. I still can't write. But today it's worse, I can't type now either. Just earlier I was going to look this issue up on the net, and I was thinking 'do I search for a forum on writing problems or medical problems?' I went with writing problems – probably less vague than medical. I'd only just typed my query in the search bar when the text disappeared again. Then I found I couldn't type anything, like my keyboard had locked up or something. So my computer's now officially useless. That was...around eleven o' clock. The time's really flown. I should probably just see a doctor about this. I'm going to just go and make an appointment.
Um...I don't really know what just happened. I mean I don't know whether that was my doing or his doing. The...a post man just stopped by, immediately after I made a doctor's appointment. It seems he had a package for me, but he needed for me to sign something so I could receive it. Without even thinking I tried to sign my name, but my writing, of course, disappeared as soon as the ink hit the paper. He asked me what was taking so long. I said the ink's run out of the pen, so he took another pen out. That one wouldn't let me sign either. He started to get impatient. Then I was stammering and my hand was shaking, and I told him I would, I would sign it. He was starting to give me a weird look and he asked for some I.D. I took out my driver's license and it was just blank. All the information's gone, the photo's gone. It's just a blank, useless square of plastic. The post man just told me off, he must have thought I was playing a prank or something, but then he saw how my hands were shaking and I couldn't get any words out, and he looked confused and then just left me. He probably thought I was brain damaged. I would feel so humiliated but I have bigger things to worry about.
I was pacing around the house just now and I thought something was really off. And I realised that I'm missing from all my photographs. I don't have many photos of anything, but of the ones I do have, I'm in a lot of them. It's actually quite amazing, the images in the photos are perfectly seamless, it's just that I'm not in them. It looks like I was never in the photos to begin with. One of my favourite photos, one that used to be of me and Phoebe, even that's been altered. Now she's just standing there, looking really happy. On her own.
I don't know if I want to go to the doctor's now. I'm wondering if I do, whether I'll be taken seriously. I'm starting to feel almost like...frightened, to be honest.
Um...I just...I don't know...
Huuuur huuur huuur gngngngnh...
...Oh, it's tried to transcribe the sounds of me crying. The load of... DELETE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH. No, DELETE...Oh, never mind you piece of shit. Well, at least it's transcribing anything, I guess. Don't know what I'm going to do with it though. I was going to send this in an email to a friend, but I can't send emails at the moment. I don't know how to get this program to transcribe the at symbol, the a contained in a near full circle. When I say at it comes up as the word, not the symbol.
At. AT. AT SYMBOL. Piece of shit.
