Calamity

Chapter 6

It's like loving a lion that cannot be tamed,

I snap at the thought or the sound of your name.

The car was quiet as we drove. Only the small hum of the engine lived around us, as a blur of green, yellow, and brown trees passed the windows. I watched each and every one go past, trying my hardest to find a single leaf, but I couldn’t. The car was moving too fast.

We were in London.

We had landed about two hours ago.

I couldn’t believe it.

Less than four days ago I was sobbing at Ace’s feet, too scared to breathe loudly in case it was going to bother him, but I’ve learnt that my whole presence is what bothered him. Now the whole environment had changed.

Harry was silent.

Whether it was because he didn’t know what to say, or he knew I didn’t want to talk, I wouldn’t know. He hasn’t tried to ignite a conversation, but I remembered what he told me the other day.

“…I won’t ask you any questions tonight. But once we land in London, I want you to tell me everything, okay?”

No.

I’m not going to tell him anything… well, at least not everything. I can hardly remember much as it is. It all came past as one painful blow. But I can’t tell him. He would never look at me as he once did. I… I was no longer pure, no longer his to take completely.

Not that my virginity was destined to be taken from him in the first place, but I knew that was exactly his plan a few months ago. Now I won’t properly be his. I was a wilting flower, once bright and standing tall on its stem, but now pale and tossed and treaded on.

And I’m scared.

I’m so, so scared.

Who knows what will happen if I tell him? He won’t look at me like he once did. He’ll toss me aside eventually and find someone new to torment, someone who has better skin and longer hair and fairer features and a brighter personality; someone who isn’t me, or at least, a better version of me.

I can’t say anything. I just don’t think I have the power to utter the sentence. Each time I think about it, my bones begin to shake, and I have to blink away tears as I remember the pain, the torture Ace put me through.

And the thing is, I still don’t understand what I had done to deserve this? Had I done something so horrible in my past life to end up here? Was I too harsh on Amelia, and now I’m receiving the wrath of the gods for my cruelness? Was this my punishment for leaving Harry? What had I done to stare into the eyes of death, the eyes that haunt me?

Why me?

I gripped my seat belt within my shaking fingertips, and stared out the window, forcing my mind to stray from those thoughts. My stomach began churning nervously; I could tell by the fences and gardens and the colour of houses that we were extremely close to the house.

“Lou and Eleanor might be out.” Harry spoke suddenly.

“Okay.”

“They'll be back later.”

“Okay.”

“I’ve got to take a few phone calls but I’ll just be in the lounge room.”

“Okay.”

He glanced at me.

“Stop saying that.”

I nodded.