All We Plead is Stop

We tried again today.

It didn't work.

Again.

How come something that has been a part of all our lives be ripped apart so viciously from us?

She's tore up inside. She won't show it but I can tell. I know her too well.

Every time she closes the bathroom door, and looks up into my eyes, the pool of tears that settles at the lip of her eyelid is a presence I never want to see again.

The pool is all of us. We all fall to our hands and knees to beg to a god of demons, a fellow member of hell, or maybe perhaps whoever is listening.

All we plead is stop.

When I was a teenager, I planned out my life for the future.

I wanted to be an actor, it wasn't as far fetched as one might think, I took drama, and I excelled faster than most other students in the class.

I wanted a pit-bull, named Hardy because my mother had one when I was younger, and it was the first thing to love me.

I wanted a wife, named Julia, she was beautiful in every aspect comparable. She held my hand like if she let go, she would be dropped in a freezing lake, forever stolen away. She kissed me like it was the only way she could breathe. She treated me like I gave her a purpose. So I married her.

I wanted a house in the city, not small, not big, something that could support a modest man's needs.

I want a son.

His name would be Cooper. Light brown hair, blue eyes, round nose, a smile that could steal the angels away from heaven.

I made a movie in my head, where me and Julia wake up early one morning, staring into each other's eyes, accidentally, but also purposely. We'd swap kisses, and we'd get up and make breakfast. I'd be doing something by the counter, I'd turn around looking at such a beautiful creature, making pancakes in her underwear. I would sneak up behind and, grab her by her sides, and gift a singular kiss to her neck, then lay my chin on her shoulder. In that moment, I would ponder in the endless beauty that radiated from her.

I'd hear the word "Mommy!"

I'd turn my head and see Cooper.

He'd stand there, arms to his side, looking up at us as if he were a superhero preparing to take off into the sky. Julia would run to him, scooping him up into her loving arms I know so well. As she held him, Cooper would look at me, and I would look at him. He would understand everything, my love for him, and the answers to the universe.

Alas, I cannot have that, and my life will be never be as I want it. Julia will forever be heartbroken and we will both die useless.

All we plead is stop.