Inglorious Fanfiction

Meeting The Bastards

The Bastards had three Germans surrounded in a clearing near what looked like a tunnel. Three Germans and me. Miriam Dietrich, a German born Jewish girl... Well half Jewish, my father was a German, one of the good ones. He tried to arrange for our family to escape to America but was too late. The Nazi party saw him as a potential deserter and had him shot. I was somehow able to escape that night, disguised as a boy, but not before I was branded. These Germans were cruel and a yellow star on my clothes wasn't enough to remind me of how different I was, and that "different" was not a good thing in this case. I lived on the run for a few years after that, and a few weeks ago I stole a German uniform and that's how I ended where I am now: Surrounded by The Bastards at gun point. God help me.

We all kneeled while several of The Bastards collected scalps from the Germans they had killed. I envied them. They were free to get their revenge but not me.

"Hey Hirschberg, send that kraut sarge over." Their leader, Aldo, I think his name was from the rumors, called. The man who was guarding us, Hirschberg, kicked the Sergeant forward. I didn't pay much attention to the conversation between Aldo and the Sergeant, I just tried to think about how to get out of this situation alive. I was pulled from my thoughts as the sound of wood hitting stone echoed out of the tunnel. I was paying attention now.

"You hear that? That's Sgt.Donny Donowitz. But you might know him better by his nickname, The Bear Jew. Now if you heard of Aldo the Apache, you gotta heard about The Bear Jew?" Aldo leaned forward smiling slightly. The Sergeant nods his head, but I can't see the look on his face.

"I heard."

"What did you hear?"

"He beats German soldiers with a club."

"He bashes their brains in with a baseball bat, what he does." Aldo chuckled as the Bastards laughed at his revision to the Sergeant's statement. "Now Warner, I'm gonna ask you one last-goddamn-time, and if you still, "respectfully refuse", I'm callin' The Bear Jew over here, and he's gonna take that big bat of his, and he's gonna beat your ass to death with it. Now take your wienerschnitzel lickin' finger, and point out on this map what I want to know." The Sergeant was silent for a moment then drew a deep breath before responding.

"Fuck you! And your Jew dogs." He spat.

Instead of getting mad, The Bastards burst out laughing and Aldo shakes his head before responding to Warner, with a giggle in his voice.

"Actually Warner, we're all tickled ya said that. Frankly, watchin' Donny beat Nazi's to death, is the closest we ever get to goin' to the movies." All the Bastards laughed and whooped at the thought of The Bear Jew beating the Sergeant to death. I suppressed a smile not minding the image my mind conjured. Aldo turned his head slightly to the tunnel.

"DONNY!"

"Yeah?" A voice calls from the tunnel, no doubt belonging to The Bear Jew.

"Got a German here wants to die for country!" Aldo called turning back to the Sergeant before walking to sit on a little slope near the tunnel, "Oblige him." The sound of wood hitting stone resumed and the echo grew closer and closer until a man, a very tall man, emerged carrying a wooden bat. He had to be six feet tall, at least, wearing a white wife-beater, brown trousers and boots with several medals hanging from his neck. He walked slowly towards the Sergeant and I had to stop myself from leaning forward in anticipation. The Bear Jew glared down at the Sergeant.

"You get that for killing Jews?" He asked the Sergeant, gesturing with his bat to a medal on the Sergeant's uniform. The Sergeant looked at the medal then back at The Bear Jew.