"You are not alone."
"You have so much support."
"You can get through this."
"I believe in you."
All of these were very repeated to me. After a while of something repeated, it loses meaning to me. Words mean nothing to me. I am a very action-packed person and people's actions speak way louder than their words will ever. Now before you think I'm some negative-nancy or something, just hear me out.
I am 15 years old. My name is Skylar and I have many friends. I have a great family and many fun pets to go along with it. My life is good. There is no reason why I should be feeling like this.
That's the most difficult part to me.
I don't know why I am feeling this way or what I can do to stop it.
This life of mine is very action-filled during the school year. Ever since elementary school, I have been involved in the school's music program and I have learned Alto Saxophone pretty well. I also took up debating in 8th grade. As a freshman, I was an assistant coach to some seniors for the 8th grade debaters in our 8th-12th grade school. I do a lot with my life and I barely have free-time. It doesn't help that I also happen to go to the most difficult high school in my state. It's a top ranked school, so I guess that doesn't quite matter.
It only matters that I'm getting an education, right?
I had lots of friends in school. I was a very sociable person and I talked to many many people. I had over 70 people on Snapchat and I was keeping 20 streaks every single day. I was receiving high amounts of likes on other social media platforms I held. I was living a good life. I played my saxophone every day and it always made me happy.
It never failed to make me feel better. Music has always been that way for me. I have always been the one that you'll find in the Band room every morning instead of hanging out by the stairs or ramp. If my band director ever needed help, I would take time out of my day and go help him.
My friends were also all involved in a music program of some sort too. I was never alone. The pep-band games were my favorite part of freshman year. First of all, I met Jake and Ev. These two are now some of the closest people I have to me and they are very special to me. These games also surrounded me by my closest support system, my friends.
My friends were always there for me. They were always just a text away or just a call away. At these games, everyone I loved was in one place at once. Except C, but that ended a while ago.
C was a guy I dated for a few months and we loved each other. It was a good relationship, but at the beginning of february, he broke up with me. That didn't upset me too bad, but it was very sad. That was the only "bad" thing I had gone through that semester. I got over him pretty fast and I was back to my normal, bubbly, happy-self.
As you can see from this rant, I have a good life. I had a lot of friends, I had music, I had a support system. I had everything a girl needs. I didn't need a boyfriend and I didn't need to be upset over a breakup that didn't hurt too bad.
I felt better. I wasn't defeated. I was very happy with my life.
After that school year ended, my life went downhill. I didn't feel happy. I was always lonely. I hung out with my friends a lot after that. It helped seeing them. After graduation and seeing my closest friends graduate and move onto better and more happier things, I was kind of sad. I am younger than them and I still have a lot to learn, but it felt crappy to grow so attached to a set of people and then lose them just like that. Even though we're staying in contact and hanging out as much as possible, it's different from them being there at the school every day.
I'm only 15. People say I'm too young to feel like this. They say that they're uncomfortable with me getting on medicine and seeing if it'll help this.
I am only 15 and I am severely depressed and anxious all the time. I don't know why I feel like this, or what I can do to help myself.
This is something I am doing to help myself. This is something that I want to do to see if it'll help me. I write a journal every day and I am going to turn this into something I do every day to help too.
You can read this if you want. My life is not a secret and no one should ever feel like that. There are always people out there that do care. There are always people that will listen and talk to you even if you feel completely helpless. You are not helpless. I promise you, you can get through this, just like I will. <3 Thank you-Amaya
