Eastern Winds (JohnLock)

Chapter 18 - Silence

John's P.O.V;

I don't usually mind sitting in silence with Sherlock, after all he wouldn't talk for days on end. It was usually one of those comfortable silences. you know? Like, you could sit for the rest of eternity with the person and not say a single word because you both understood the other perfectly. The cab ride home was different though, Sherlock had obviously been irritated by something Lestrade had said before he dragged me out of the building and shoved me into the closest cab.

My thoughts that had filled my head all day that consisted of the day at Barts, the day he stepped on the plane, the countless times he'd returned to the flat barely conscious. The times he'd put himself in danger for a case... But right now those thoughts had disintergrated into nothing, The only thought that I could concentrate on was soothing Sherlock. I held his hand, running my thumbs over his knuckles back and forth, I waited for his hand to relax in mine, but it didn't. After paying the cabbie I followed Sherlock into our flat and retired to my chair, sitting across from him in his own.

I studied his face. It was almost white, I was used to the man being pale, but he seemed even paler if that was even possible? The raven curls fell loosley around his face as he tipped his head forward resting his chin on his fist. His eyebrow had knitted itself into a constant look of confusion as he was deep in thought. I began to open my mouth to speak when I realised how little that would help. Sherlock would be the first to speak, he was always the first to engage me after his days of silence. 

I stood up, not bothering to excuse myself and made my way to the kitchen to brew some tea.I fidled around with the cups trying to occupy myself while I waited for the water to boil.Sherlock's mood ripled through the flat, I could feel him sulking in the next room and his worry was radiating. It seemed to take a life time but I eventually placed the two cups of tea on a small tray and turned to make my way back to the living room. The tray slipped from my hands, clattering to the ground as the porcelain shattered across the floor

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE" I sighed, I bent down and began to collect all of the pieces in defeat. I felt a sharp pain shoot through my hand, oh great! I'd cut my finger, just what I need. Groaning inwardly stood once more but only to find Sherlock's face inches from mine, his eyes concerened. "John, You're hurt..."

"Sher, I'm fine it's just a cut, just grab us a plaster will you?" He obliged, running to the drawer and grabbing the plaster before tearing through the package and sticking it over the cut. He placed his hands over my own and lifted them to his lips, brushing them across my injured hand.  "There," he said, "all better?"

I nodded feebly, spreading my hand across his cheek "Yes, but you're not. Are you?" The man infront of me gazed down at me as he tried to string words together to make a sentence.

"John, I... You must understand, this is extremely hard for me. I'm not talking about Moriarty, I mean you... I mean us. This whole 'relationship' is something I've never really expierienced before, with neither men or women. It is going to take me a while to learn about boundaries and understand things, I'm a sociopath, for god's sake! But I'm trying my God damn hardest to make you happy and I'm going after Moriarty wether you approve or not because it's the only way I don't have to worry about you every day when you leave the flat alone, without constantly fearing you'll be taken from me. I don't even understand what I'm feeling but please John. Please. Help me understand..."

His voice broke and he collapsed into a heap on the floor and drew his legs up to his chest so that he could rest his forhead on his knees and he sighed, rubbing his temples. "Sherlock. I get it, I really do, even I haven't felt like this before..." I saw him begin to interupt, "No-Sher, let me finish, obviously I've been with women" He flinched, so I sat beside him and wrapped my arms around his waist before continuing. "I know you think that means I'll love you differently, but Sherlock, there is a reason it never worked with those women, There was room for only one person in my head, my heart. You. I don't want you to leave me either, So I'm going to help you find Moriarty because there is no way you're doing this by yourself! Together we're going to bring him down and show him how little he is truly worth and God knows, together we are going to work, because.. Because." I lifted his chin so that I could see the mans watering eyes.

"I love you. Sherlock Holmes."

"I love you too, John Waston." He brought his lips close to mine, "I love you too." He mumbled, finally closing the distance.