Falling For Friends

Chapter 1

  'I don't know... I don't know if I'm okay or not. I always tell myself I am. He thinks I am. Then why do I feel so lonely? So scared? God, my anxiety is so hard to deal with. I don't even know whether or not I'm okay. But how can that be? I just wish h-'
"PHIL LESTER!" Was screamed, and it awoke me from my deep thoughts. Wait... Dan? Dan! He's back!
I look over to the door leading outside my room and after hearing a bumble of sounds and the pitter-patter of feet coming up the stairs, I see Dan Howell standing in my door way with a huge grin on his face.
"Phil!" He exclaimed, as he rushed over to give me a very energized hug. I was sitting on my bed but when he threw his arms around my shoulders, we fell back on the bed and rolled off of it with lots of laughter and loud "ow"s from landing so hard on the floor.
Dan had been off in Wokingham to take a trip down memory lane with his family for what felt like a year. But in reality it was only two and a half weeks.
Dan is my best friend. I love him more than I love myself. And vice versa. It's always so lonely without him around. And from how excited he was to be back at home with me, he was probably a little lonely too.
"Oh my God," Dan said after we had finally calmed down enough from laughing to say actual words,"Sorry 'bout that, Phil. I'm just so happy to be back. I missed you a lot. You should've just come with us!" He said as he lightly pushed my shoulder and stood back up. I looked up at him with a grin and said back,"Yeah well I wanted you to have time with your family! You hardly get to see them nowadays." I said thoughtfully as I too, stood up. Though I would have loved to join, family time is always important. Dan looked at me with an almost surprised face as if I didn't understand something. He then proceeded to say,"Oh- come on, Phil! You're practically a part of the family. Just come with me next time I go to visit them." And then he exited the room, not giving me much time to reply. I naturally followed him as we went down stairs and gathered his things to take to his bedroom.
"Jesus Chr- Dan, how much did you pack? I don't remember your suit case being so heavy when you left." I said. I could feel my face get red and hot as I tried to lift the heavy suit case up the stairs. When I couldn't do it, I dropped it and huffed out all the air I was holding in. I heard Dan a few feet away from me laughing with pity and entertainment from watching me try to lift the case. He came over and pulled it up the stairs with little trouble. When he got to the top, he looked back at me and said,"Well I picked up a few things from home. And also, you didn't help me move my things to the car. Soo..." He trailed off his sentence and chuckled to himself while pulling the suit case along the ground to his room. I grabbed his back pack and shoes and hurried up the stairs.

  Later that night, Dan and I were sitting in the gaming room going over a few things about the channel.
"Alright, Phil. So I know you've been going crazy editing over the past couple weeks, so I'll do it for the next few days. Good?" Dan asked me. He was looking at the computer while he said that, but I was looking at his eyes. The way they shone in the computer light was actually quite beautiful. It made them all sparkly and glassy.
"Phil? Oh for heavens- Phil Lester, are you even listening?" Dan said, now looking at me with a slightly annoyed tone in his voice,"I swear, we're like an old married couple sometimes." He continued as he turned back to the computer screen. He said that with a much more cheerful tone now. And thank God, I hate when he gets that annoyed tone. Well, I don't HATE it, but I just prefer when he's happy.
I looked at the computer screen as well to see what all he was doing and replied.
"Oh sorry, ha. Just lost in thought. But are you sure you want to do that? You just got home and need re-"
"Phil, I'll be fine. Don't worry about it so much. And you've been getting lost in thought a lot recently. Especially before I left. Are you alright?" Dan said. I didn't know what I should say: 'I'm doing fine, Dan! You're back now.' or 'My anxiety is so high and I can't keep my thoughts off of.. things. So I'm kind of dying inside but over all, I'm good.'
So I just simply smiled awkwardly, as I usually do, and said,"Alright, alright! And no, yeah, I'm okay. I'm just quite tired. Waiting on you to get home took it out of me. It's 3am right now for goodness sakes! You got home l-like, two hours ago." I just played it all off like it was nothing and joked with him. He smiled and laughed a small, tired laugh and continued talking about how the channel is doing.
  I told him I was going to head on to bed and get some rest, and that he should as well soon. So we said our goodnights and I feel flat on my chest into bed.
'I have to get up and actually brush my teeth before bed... do I even have the energy? No, not really. I'll be fine. I'm just glad Dan is back. I don't need to dwell on bad thoughts like when he left. Dan makes it better. He always does.. yeah....'
My own thoughts trailed off as I quickly fell asleep. My dreams weren't as bad as they had been. Thanks, Dan.

(Hey guys! Halle here, but y'all can all me River. I've never written about Dan and Phil, but I'm doing my best and I hope y'all enjoy! I also have a hard time continuing stories I begin because I get bad writers block. But I'll update when I can so please stick with me!
River out-)