Chapter 1

Running from Regret

"Every girl deserves a guy that can make her heart forget it was ever broken"

Chapter one

Have you ever felt so incredibly in love with someone that it consumes you. It makes you blind to everything and everyone else around you. That person is your world and you would do anything to be with them to make them want you back the same as you want them.

And that's the problem with love it makes you insecure, nervous, jealous.

Well that was the only love I had ever known.

When I met Jason he was everything a good boyfriend should be caring, attentive, loyal. He was older by a few years and all the girls wanted him. He was in college and I was in high school. Every school girls fantasy. A sexy older boyfriend. I was so happy that he had chosen me and everyday that we were together I fell deeper and deeper in love with him. He was my first boyfriend. My first proper kiss. The first person I had ever said I love you to. The first person I had sex with. He was my first everything.

Then one day after 2 years of dating my whole world came crashing down. His mood had changed. He didn't want to be around me as much. I could feel him pulling away and I had no idea why. I had that gut feeling in my stomach that he wasn't being honest with me.

I ended up in one of those split seconds of opportunity. The one where your so torn between being the loyal good girlfriend who trusts her boyfriend or just being a girl loving a boy who may not be being honest with her.

The opportunity was there.

It was his computer. Already logged in on his emails. Tempting me. Drawing me in. I knew he wasn't hiding anything. I was sure of it. But one little check wouldn't hurt. There wouldn't be anything there. Would there?

So thats what I did. I clicked. And in that one click my whole world came crashing down. Email by email to girls. All different girls. So many girls. Promising them things that he promised me. Telling them things that he told me. If your heart could truly break. If there was such thing as heartbreak I felt it in that moment. Realising the he wasn't the person I thought he was.

Upon confrontation to my ever so noble boyfriend. He informed me they were just emails. He had never pursued these girls. Never met up with them. Never spoken to them on the phone. There was no intention there. Like it was ok. That he loved me and that I shouldn't go through his personal things. Turning it on me. As if it was my fault.

I know that was it. That was the moment the relationship turned sour. He said sorry I accepted it. The moment he betrayed me and I took him back after only an apology. It all went wrong from that point. I made it so easy for him to be forgiven. See that's the thing when you show someone weakness like that. They take it and they run with it. After that day he had no reason to try anymore. He knew he could do anything and I would take him back.

It's called emotional abuse and I was his emotional rag doll. It lead from emails to text messages. From text messages to late night phone calls with these girls. I was clever you see. I got really good at detective work. Checking phones. Checking phone statements . Every time there would be denial or excuses and every time I fell for them. To the point where I believed everything he said.

The manipulation of us having arguments and him saying hurtful things then claiming he never said them. Adamant he never said them. It made me sure that I had imagined it. That he was right and I was making things up.

At that point he could of told me the sky wasn't blue and I would have believed him. Or that he had never cheated on me even if I walked in on it and had seen it with my own eyes.