There comes a time when it stops,
they excitement stops,
the thrill,
the feeling of wow i'm really doing this.
The paranoia of getting caught slips away, and so does the care.
The "wow I hope I don't get caught"
turns into a "fuck it what's the worst that could happen".
Your sadness doesn't go away it gets worse.
The high doesn't help anymore.
That blunt between your lips can't save you for forever.
Eventually it stops, it all stops, and that's when you look for more.
You look for something you can't find,
so you get lost, lost in the booze, the pills,
the so called "fun" you swear you're having.
But hey this stuff actually makes you smile,
isn't that better than faking it? Isn't that what you want?
Isn't it better than coming home everyday with swollen and bloodshot eyes from crying?
Isn't better than the constant questions?
The,hey are you okay?
Aren't you tired of lying?
Because I know you're not okay.
Okay is not crying yourself to sleep.
Okay is not hiding from everyone you love.
Okay is not locking yourself in your room for the whole day getting high off your ass
cause you can't deal with the pain.
Okay is not making jokes with your mom about drinking alcohol
when you wish your liver was drowning in Vodka.
Okay is not sitting in your room with your eyes full of tears
rewriting your suicide note over and over cause you can't get it right.
Okay is not wishing you were dead.
