Arabella || h.s.

010.

Arabella M.

Hearing Harry say that he wants something more is heartwarming. It's also a bit scary because what if he turns out that he only wanted me for what I do, not for me. I've had my fair share with guys who say they want me for who I am then admitting they only wanted to brag about getting it with royalty. Those guys started after he left me. I've gotten used to the fact that people use me. It's happened so many time that it's hard for me to actually believe that if a guy says they want me, not for my status. More like trust issues.

All thanks to him. He made me put this trust issue.

Of course I want to believe him. Trust me, I really do. But for my safety and my heart, I have to keep my walls up. I can't have them down. If I do, it can bite me in the ass. Meaning I'm vulnerable enough that you can leave me heartbroken.

I stared at the ground, listening to everything Harry was saying. My heart racing hearing these beautiful words. Beautiful yet scary. I look up at the ground after he finished talking. I had to tell him. It's hard for me to believe him. To believe that he isn't using me. For the first time since he left, I felt something small in my heart. Yet, I'm gonna choose to ignore that feeling.

"Harry...I-I can't" I said feeling guilty saying this. He basically poured his heart out and I'm here rejecting him. Well, not technically. "I'm not saying that I don't want to, it's just...complicated. There are something that you don't know. If you knew the reason why I can't, then it wouldn't be like this. But you don't know the reason. I'm not ready to talk about it. All you need to know about this, is that you're not the only guy whose said that to me"

Hurt was pretty evident in his eyes. He now refuses to look at me. This only makes me feel worse than I already do. The last thing I wanted was for me to hurt him. One thing that I know I'm sure about is that my birthday is now over. Emotionally. I feel guilt and sadness.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. In this little time that I've known you, doesn't change my opinion. Due to past events, it made me this way. In an alternative world, I would jump in your arms and never let go. But this is reality" I say before reaching up to his cheek. My lips hover over his cheek before I place a soft, longing kiss. I pull away and turn around.

One thing I noticed is that Harry not once said anything. Although I didn't exactly expect him to. I walk away feeling somewhat hurt. But what I feel is nothing compared to what Harry currently feels.

As always, I hurt the people I care most about.

I enter the hallway that leads me to the kitchen. I walk through the halls of the castle that no one usually goes through. The entire way towards my room, I can't help but think how my life would've been if I didn't have these trust issues. If I would've never met him.

I step in my room with this hollow feeling in my chest. I hope I'm making the right choice by saying no. As much as my heart wants Harry, she can't bear the pain once again. I change out of my dress and into a pair of spandex and a shirt. I lay in my bed, drowning in my thoughts. As I'm laying, I slowly drift off to sleep.

Leaving me to dream about my nightmares.

"You told me that I was the one for you. That I was the love of your life." I sobbed feeling my heart break by the one person that I loved.

Or so I thought I did.

"You were never the love of my life. I never loved you. You were a good fuck, I'll admit that but that's it. Fucking the princess what definitely worth something to brag about" He laughed in my face.

He never loved me. He wanted sex. I stupidly gave him my virginity and believed that I was special to him. I gave my everything to him. My virginity, my first kiss and my dignity. I put in the effort and dedication to make our so called relationship work. All he was doing was bragging to his friends about our sex life.

Naive. Heartbroken. Humiliated. Ashamed. Insecure.

The only words I can describe how I feel. Naive because I believed every fucking word that came out of that damn mouth. Heartbroken because he was the first person I ever loved, my first love and my worst nightmare now. Humiliated because I never payed attention why the townspeople snickered whenever they saw me walking around, now knowing from how our sex life was. Ashamed because I allowed him to take advantage of my body thinking he was admiring it with love and beauty. Insecure because now I feel disgusting to have ever let him see my body freely and touched it everywhere.

I stopped crying. I stood there staring past him. I look back at him, glaring at him. Anger sparking up my entire body. I'm furious. The sadness is gone and replaced with anger. For now.

Before I can stop the words from leaving my mouth, I say "Lucky I've always been a bomb fucking ass actress. That little scene I just pulled was just for you. Now you can go fuck the entire village and get all the girls pregnant. Let's see how you deal with the baby daddy life."

His expression turns from cocky to anger.

"You fucking bitch. I was already cheating on you before our first week was even over. How about you go be the whore you are as well" He spats at me.

Red. Red is all I see.

"Fuck you, Grayson. You can go to hell. Hopefully you rot in there. You think that you fuck the princess, you think you're all high and mighty? I don't fucking think so. You're just a normal person. Like you said, bragging rights. You're only popular because of me. After all, I am the next in line for the throne. What are you next for? You're the next in line for you're dog treats. You don't wear a crown. You don't have a title. You're nothing without me." I calmly said. His face just turned pale. He knows it's the truth.

I turn around and head back to the castle. Before I'm a good hearing distance away from him, I look over my shoulder and say "Have a terrible life, Grayson. Go fuck you're mom." I show him my middle finger and continue walking.

Grayson had broken me. He broke the good girl I was. He opened my eyes to everything. He changed my heart from good to bad.

I was bound to get my revenge on him in a way no one or he'll forget.

I sit up from my bed, panting. I could still hear the music downstairs from the party. I couldn't be bothered to go down there. Not after what happened with Harry.

I need to stay cold and strong.

•••••••••••••

I'm not dead. 

I repeat. I. AM. NOT. DEAD.

I'm really sorry it took so long to update but here's a chapter for you. 

Love ya, Ash