Mae I die

1997 - September

Journal Entry Four
Just another day passes.  Boring really.  I know something will happen eventually, I've gotten used to waiting for it.  I will conquer on that day. 
"Mae?  What are you writing sweetie?" 
"Nothing of importance Mom.."  She closed the journal with both hands and the pages clapped together. 
"Time for dinner.  Spaghetti tonight."
"I'll be out in a minute."  Her mother left, gently closing the door behind her. 
Mae went right back to scribbling words into her notebook.
Spaghetti again.  That's good.  I love pasta.  Its my favorite thing to eat.  Nothing else feels so familiar. 
Mae stood up from her desk and proceeded to hide the notebook at the bottom of the desk drawer.  She had nothing to hide in it yet, but it's good to give yourself good habits.

~ ~ ~

"Don't play with your food!  You're not a child."
Mae pulls the string of spaghetti out of her throat and glared at her mother.
"Just eat your food and keep it eaten, once it's in your mouth you don't need to take it out again."  Her mother looked away in disgust.
"I'm practicing."
Instantly both of her parents widened their eyes and stared at Mae with anger and shock.  "For what!?!"  Her father and mother said, almost in unison. 
Mae raised an eyebrow, she didn't understand what they thought she meant.  "I want to swallow swords for a living."
Her father sighed but her mother was still angry.  "You can't do something so dangerous!"
"I could do what you and dad thought I was talking about."  Mae's expression was blank, not because she was hiding her emotions.  She was hoping it would add some comedic effect.
"Go to your room.  Right now."  Mae's mom was furious.
Without saying a word, Mae got up, picked up her remaining spaghetti, and left the dinner table. 

~ ~ ~

No food in the bedroom.  That was a rule.  I follow many rules.  I don't like breaking them.  I like to see what happens if I break them.  I need some way to entertain myself while I wait for that day.

Tomorrow, I hope I get some lovely gifts.  A lot of my extended family shows up for my birthday parties.  Maybe I'm important?  The more people the more gifts.  Sometimes I get toys and art supplies.  I love them so much.  It's as if they know I'm looking for something to do while I wait.  Do they know what I'm waiting for?

I love my journal, but I know it means that I wont be seeing one of my many uncles.  He sent it in advance because he knew he would be busy this week.  "I made sure to send this so that it arrives on your birthday."  I received this a month ago.  He thought I was born in August...   I know that he's still busy now though.  Uncle John is gone. 

I am given many rules.  I've never disobeyed a few of them after they're told.  Two years ago, on my tenth birthday.  A man didn't show up to my birthday party.  No one else noticed, but I did.  I noticed.  I don't know his name.  But we take a family picture every year to show how much everyone has grown.  He was in the one before, but not my tenth birthday picture. 
A few weeks after, I was given a new rule.  I will not leave the house.  I was no longer enrolled from the public school and began to be home schooled by my father.  I didn't have any friends so I didn't mind the change.
They said I'll be allowed to leave someday.  I'll rule the world after that.