I Promise

(Tasha's POV)

The sunlight shining through the blinds woke me up. I groaned and rubbed my eyes before reaching for my phone, It's 5:00am. Not wanting to get out of bed yet, I wrapped the blanket around me and curled up. I spent the night at Reade's place and it's always freezing in his room. He would probably be thinking the same thing if he was awake because I have all of the blanket. He kind of sounds like a bear when he sleeps, but it doesn't bother me anymore. I've begun to find his steady breathing, with the occasional unpleasant snoring, comforting. He looked so peaceful lying there. Tracing his hand with my finger, I thought about our past few weeks together. Everything seemed to move a little smoother. Like we've been climbing this gigantic mountain and we're finally over it. We agreed our relationship at work would remain completely professional. No clouded judgement, no PDA, and no trying to be overprotective. It's not as hard as it may sound, our cases need our full attention. Bored of lying down, I decide to get started with my day. I got up out of bed, laid the blanket over Reade, and threw on one of his t-shirts. I made my way into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. Reade still has another 20 minutes before his alarm goes off. I opened the fridge to see if there is anything I could make for breakfast, it's nearly empty. The only things in there are a pizza box (God only knows how old), some take out containers, and a gallon of milk that is almost gone. Somehow, this does not surprise me. My fridge is similar, but I have actual food. I opened the freezer, in there sat nothing but ice. I shook my head and laughed. I know we don't have much time to come home and eat, but this is insane. I poured myself a cup of coffee and went into the living room. I moved a few pillows to one side of the couch and laid down. Reade's t-shirt looks like a normal size when I'm laying, but when I'm standing it looks like a dress. His clothes are much more comfortable than mine, great sleeping apparel. They all smell like him, which is a plus. I grabbed the remote and turned on the news. They were playing a bit called "World's Ugliest Dog". People nominate their dogs to see who wins. I think all dogs are cute. Sure, there are some odd balls out there, but that's what makes them so cute. I heard Reade's alarm sound and him shuffle out of bed. I jumped up and went into the kitchen to pour him a cup of coffee. He came out of the room rubbing his eyes and yawning.
"Good morning." I said smiling and walking towards him.
He looks so hot when he's tired.
"Good morning, beautiful." His voice was low and hoarse.
I handed him his cup of coffee and said,
"I would've done more, but you've got a whole lot of nothing in your fridge."
"This is perfect. " He smiled and chuckled softly, ignoring my sarcastic remark.
My heart stopped at the sight of his smile. Every time he smiles his dimples show and creases form under his eyes. He slightly squints his eyes and they shine with pure joy. He set his coffee down on the counter and pulled me into a hug. He held me firmly around the waist with one hand placed on the small of my back. His arms are strong but gentle.
"How did you sleep?" He asked, half whispering.
"Like a baby." I smirked, looking up at him.
With one hand still on my back, he placed the other on my cheek and ran his thumb along my cheekbone.
"Good. "
He kissed me once, but quickly as if he wanted to make sure it was okay. In response, I stood on my tippy toes and wrapped my arms around his neck. He kissed me again, a little longer. I smiled into the kiss, causing him to laugh. We stood there looking at each other and holding each other. After a minute or two, he kissed my nose, making me blush. The smile on his face grew wider by the second.
"You're blushing!" He half-yelled, laughing.
"I am not!" I threw my hands to my face to hide it.
"You so are. I should take a picture of this." He teased.
"Stop!" I laughed, my face getting hotter. "Don't you have to get ready for work?" I shoved his shoulder as I slid past him. He was still laughing. He had his head tilted back and his hand on his stomach, like a little kid.
"I'm never letting this go. " He said, catching his breath.
I believe him, I will never hear the end of this. I made my way into his bedroom and grabbed my bag of clothes. After changing, I went into the bathroom to fix my hair. I want to leave it down, I still feel the need to hide my face. I pulled it back into a pony tail anyway because it gets annoying at work. I brushed by teeth and made my way back into the living room. Reade is already dressed in his fancy suit, leaning against the counter. The last thing I want to do is make eye contact with him. I know he'll laugh at me the second I do. I looked around for my jacket and phone, but I don't see them. I walked into the kitchen and checked the chairs at the table, not there either. I walked back into the bedroom to see if I left them there. I moved a few things around, but they aren't here. I groaned and walked out. Reade clear his throat and I looked in his direction. My jacket and phone are on the counter behind him. This fucker.. I laughed in disbelief.
"You think you're so funny. " I said walking over to him. "Just wait."
"Uh ohh." He said, pretending to be scared.
I grabbed my jacket and phone from behind him, grinning.
"Ready?" I sighed.
"No." He groaned, grabbing his jacket and keys.
He grabbed my free hand with his and we made our way to the car. We're still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship. I try so hard to keep my feelings under control, but I am a fool for him. He always has me smiling like an idiot, sometimes just by thinking about him. We held hands the whole car ride there, because we wouldn't be able to all day. When we arrived he looked over at me and kissed my hand.
"I adore you." He said.
We have yet to say, "I love you". Although, "I adore you" is just as meaningful. To me, anyway.
"Always."
I leaned over the center counsel and kissed him. We stepped out of the car and headed inside. As if on cue, Patterson texted saying she had something. After everyone got inside, she spilled.
"This is tattooed on Jane's right hip. It's a logo used in Iraq. Just this morning, a missile was fired with this logo on it. We're not even supposed to know they exist, but police were able to find scraps and piece them together. The target was a U.S. military aircraft. Three people were onboard at the time, and sadly there are no survivors. A similar event occurred just days ago, but no evidence was found. There was one survivor, but he is in critical condition. It's unclear wether they're targeting specific passengers or if they're targeting government officials in general." She took a deep breath and waited for our responses. Kurt spoke first,
"Well we need to go there and find out how they got these missiles and why we're not supposed to know about them. We need to know before there are anymore casualties."
"No way, it's way too dangerous." Patterson said, more worried than before.
"Well, we can't just ignore this. " Reade added, gesturing towards the tattoo.
I didn't know what to think. We do need to follow up, but what if we're a target? Reade is focused on the map displayed on the monitor. His eyebrows are furrowed and he's biting the inside of his lip. I tried not to stare, but it was so hard.
"Two of us should go and the rest should stay. " Jane spoke up. "That way we have more people to communicate to if there's a problem. "
"Jane's right. Two of us will go and everyone else stays." Kurt nodded.
"I'm coming." Jane said instantly.
"No way." Kurt said just as quickly.
"I'll go. " Reade said, raising his hand half way.
My heart started racing, is he crazy? I want so bad to yell at him and tell him he's staying, but I know I can't.
"Reade and I will go. Jane, Zapata, you stay here with Patterson." Kurt said, finalizing the disagreement.
Jane stood with her mouth open and Patterson got back to work. I looked up at Reade, he didn't seem bothered by the fact that he is a potential target. I sighed and left the room, I need some fresh air. I've got a horrible feeling about this. I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes.
"Tasha, are you alright?" Kurt asked, approaching me.
"Yeah, yeah...Just be careful?" I mumbled.
I don't want him to know how much I'm freaking out.
"Of course." He said, walking away.
Reade texted me two simple words, "it's okay". I want to believe him, I just can't. I locked my phone without responding to his text. I helped them pack their gear for their trip. The knot in my stomach grew the closer we got to finishing.
"Here put these on, but also carry these." Patterson handed them a radio for their ear and one to hold.
"All set?" I asked looking back and forth between Reade and Kurt.
They both looked at each and nodded. I walked over to Kurt and hugged him, I couldn't help myself. After hugging Kurt, I walked over to Reade. I looked into his eyes before reaching up and hugging him tighter than I did Kurt. We lingered for a moment and as we pulled away he whispered into my ear,
"Always.."
"Be careful, please." I said aloud.
He nodded in response.
"Promise?"
We are still standing close enough to where our hands brushed against each other. It took everything in me not to hold onto it as tight as I could.
"I promise."
We stepped away from each and waited for the final departure. Kurt hugged Patterson and Jane. I noticed the difference when he hugged Jane, especially after they made eyes at each other until Kurt and Reade were out if sight. I don't know if Reade and I are that noticeable or not. Patterson handed me and Jane our radios and put one on herself. We all went back to Patterson's lab to see if we could identify the people who created these missiles.
~11 hours later~
We are all mindlessly typing and we have been for countless hours, desperate for answers. Reade and Kurt have been silent on the other end. They're probably enjoying their trip. I pulled their location up to see how close they are to the last missile attacks, they're an hour away. I need a break, I feel like I'm going to pass out. This is so overwhelming, we keep hitting dead ends. These people are ghosts, I don't know how or why, but they are. Reade and Kurt are going into this place blind. We've never attempted something so reckless. I hope to God they have a plan, just any kind of plan. My heart is racing again and I can't catch my breath. Without saying a word I left the room. I made my way to the locker room and threw myself against the lockers. I let out a shaky breath and punched the locker. This is stupid, why are they so stupid? I want to talk to Reade, but I know that it would be very unprofessional. I don't want to distract him, but I need to hear his voice. I spoke softly at first,
"Guys..?"
At first they didn't say anything, maybe they were asleep. Kurt answered first,
"Yeah?" His voice was low and groggy.
I let out a small sigh of relief.
"Is everything okay?" I tried not to sound too worried.
"All good here. We'll be coming up to the area here soon." Reade spoke like nothing could go wrong. Who is he trying to convince?
"Good. "
I nodded to reassure myself at least a little bit. Jane came into the locker room looking concerned.
"Are you okay?"
My fist was still up against the locker along with my head. I stood up straight and relaxed my hands.
"I'm fine. Let's go."
I made my way out of the locker room, not giving her a chance to fight me on my response.
"Please tell me you guys have a plan." I said to Kurt and Reade.
I could hear how hesitant they were when they spoke.
"Uh.. Well-" Kurt stuttered.
"Kind of. " Reade finished. They shared a laugh and I couldn't believe my ears.
They're laughing? At time like this. This is serious. I scoffed and shook my head.
"10 minutes until arrival." Kurt spoke in a more stern tone.
I kept my head down and continued walking towards Patterson's lab. She had two pictures up on a big screen.
"These are our guys."
She looked exhausted when she spoke.
"Nice work, who are they?"
I knew better than to be surprised when Patterson found things like this.
"They're names are.."
When she spoke everything went in one ear and out the other. I noticed she had a timer going on one of her computers. The numbers were falling, signaling how close they are to their destination. I can't focus on anything but the numbers. Everything in the room is still, I can't hear anything around me. With one minute to spare, Kurts voice exploded in my head.
"Now!!" He said.
This must be their plan, but what exactly are they doing. I heard Reade grunt twice and he started breathing rapidly.
"It's stuck!" He yelled.
I don't know what is stuck or why it's stuck or what they need it for. The numbers are down to 30 seconds. I'm holding my breath waiting for their next move, but they weren't talking. Maybe they made a silent agreement, which is very poor communication skills. What do they think the radios are for, fun? I heard Kurt mumble something under his breath, but I couldn't quite make it out. I counted down with the timer, in my head.
10,
9,
8,
7,
6,
5,
4,
3-
An extremely loud and unbearable noise came from the radios in our ears. We all threw our hands up to our heads. I fell to the ground on my knees and let out a sob. Jane and Patterson took their radios off and sat down. I kept mine in to listen for something, anything. There is still a combination of noises coming through. I found myself whispering,
"No. No. No. "
Over and over and over again. I gradually got louder, now yelling.
"Why did they even go? What were they thinking?"
My chest is killing me, I can't catch my breath. Patterson and Jane were staring off, with tears covering their faces. I'm angry and I'm scared. I talked into my radio, hoping for any sign of them.
"Reade.. Reade can you hear me?"
I squeezed my eyes shut and kept trying.
"Kurt, what's going on?"
"Guys, what's your status?"
There is nothing but silence on the other end. It's not a pleasant silence, it's chilling.
Jane sat down next to me first, then Patterson. They placed their hands over mine, trying to comfort me.
"We have to go.." I choked out.
We have to find them. We can't just leave them there.
"I don't think that's a good idea." Jane mumbled.
I lost it, I snapped. I can't take this.
"Really? You don't think it's a good idea? You are the one who thought it was the greatest idea ever to send them there! We could've found another way. Did you really think for a second they could make it out of there alive? You think it's okay for them to risk their lives but you're not willing to risk your own? What kind of person are you? What are you even doing here?"
Everyone is looking at me, but I don't care. I don't care about anything anymore. I stood up and left the room. I went to Reade's desk and sat down. He has a picture of us and a framed football award. One of his jackets is on the back of his chair and I pulled it around me. I took in the scent of him and thought about the way it felt when he hugged me. I tried to picture his warmth, his strength, and his gentleness. I tried to picture the sound of his voice when he wakes up in the mornings, when he whispers in my ear, and when he's teasing me. He promised me, he promised me he would be careful. Why did he do that? Why did he leave me like this? I laid my head on his desk and thought about all we've done together. I thought about every fight we've ever had, all things I should have said and all things I shouldn't have. I played in my head the way he said, "I adore you" while he locked eyes with me. Patterson's voice broke my train of thoughts,
"Zapata, we're going home. You should too."
Home? What is home? My home is gone. The thought walking into my own apartment and everything reminding me of him kills me. When I sat up, the room started to spin. I can't  see clearly and my head is throbbing. I just looked at her, at least I think I'm looking at her. I don't know what to say or what to do. I managed to move my head side to side, very slowly. I'm not going anywhere. Patterson sighed and joined Jane in the elevator. I laid my head back down on Reade's desk. I can't get myself together. I can't handle this.
~The next morning~
I woke up to people walking in and out of the doors, getting their morning started. I must have fallen asleep at Reade's desk. All of the events of last night came flooding back in seconds. Everyone is quiet today. Some people whispered and pointed. I got up and went to my locker. I pulled out my tooth brush and toothpaste and took it into the bathroom. I'm not going home to get clothes or to shower. I don't care. What are we supposed to do without them? Are we even a team anymore? After brushing my teeth I splashed water onto my face and stared into the mirror. I don't recognize myself. I took my pony tail down, Reade always liked my hair better this way. I went back to my locker and put my stuff away. Just as I came out, Patterson and Jane walked through the door. They both looked wrecked.
"Did you spend the night here??" Jane asked.
I don't feel like explaining myself, or talking at all for that matter. Instead, I nod and go back to Reade's desk to sit down. I pulled the news up to see if there is any word. There's nothing, that doesn't make any sense. Why aren't they saying anything? I waited and waited and waiting, nothing. Frustrated, I turned it off and threw the remote. I must've been crying again because Patterson came over and kneeled next to me.
"Hey.." She said softly.
I looked over at her and tried my best to smile, but I don't think I'm doing too well. She reached over and hugged me first gently and then tighter. I sobbed into her arms, I want this to go away. I wish this was all just a horrible dream. Out of nowhere, people started clapping. Slowly, then faster and louder. Some people were cheering. I don't know what's going on, but it's annoying me. Patterson looked up and stepped back. She wasn't saying anything just staring.
"Oh my god." She mumbled.
"What? What is so goddamn exciting right now?"
I stood up and spun around, more angry than I had ever been. When I saw who, not what, they were clapping for my heart sank. This can't be real. They're here, with barely a scratch. I started crying even harder and ran over to Reade. I flung myself into his arms and held onto him afraid to let go. I don't care about being professional anymore. He had one hand on the back of my head and the other around my waist. He held me as close as he possibly could and we stood there for what seemed like forever. I looked up at him and kissed him, hard. I pulled away, only for a second, and said,
"Don't you ever do that to me again. Ever." I kissed him again.
I pulled away and looked over at Kurt.
"I'm sorry.. I just. I don't know. I'm sorry. "
He always insisted that we stay professional at all costs.
"Don't be."
I walked over to him and hugged him. I'm glad they're okay, but I'm still shaken up. I didn't bother to ask what happened, I don't think I can handle hearing it.
"Everyone needs to take a day for themselves." Kurt cleared his threat and spoke over the noise.
I grabbed Reade's hand instantly and pulled him into the elevator.
"Where are we going?" He smirked.
"Home, you jackass."
I couldn't help but smile back at him. It's so good to have him back. When we got outside I stopped him,
"Hey." I stood on my tippy toes and wrapped my arms around him.
"Hey." He said, confused.
"I love you."
That is number one on my list of things I should have said.
"I love you." He smiled.
We stood there looking into each other's eyes for a minute.
"I'm surprised you're not blushing." He spoke quickly and jumped back.
"Shut up!" I laughed and shoved him.
We walked to the car and headed home.