I Promise

Unbreakable Bond

(Tasha's POV)

It's been two weeks since the "incident". I want to be angry at him for not telling us what the plan was, but I can't be. I can't do anything, but love him with all of my being. These last two weeks I've been very clingy, something I'm not even used to. I want to be with him at every waking moment. I want to be near him, close enough to feel the warmth radiating off his body. It has probably been extremely annoying, but I can't help it. I'm scared of losing him, I've never been so scared. I think the incident made me realize I can't live without him. He's everything to me. It's Sunday morning, so we're not at work. We're cuddling in his bed. My head is lying on his chest and I'm listening to the rise and fall of his breathing. I'm listening to his heart beat calmly. Not only is this heartbeat his purpose, it's mine too. I put my hand on his abdomen and traced his abs with my finger. We've been together for 2 months now and it's been the best two months of my life, aside from the incident. At the very least, I got to experience it with him and that's what matters to me. I want to experience everything with him, the good days and the bad days. I'm glad I decided to allow myself to have these feelings. He's my everything.
"Hey." Reade whispered.
He must've just woke up.
"Hey." I half-smiled.
I stopped tracing his abs and put my arm the rest of the way around him.
"Did you sleep well?" I asked, looking up at him.
"I did, did you?" He kissed my forehead.
"Yeah." I lied.
I didn't sleep well, I haven't been sleeping well. I'm afraid he won't be here when I wake up. That's something I'd never said aloud. I'm not used to feeling like this, I don't know where this is coming from. This whole relationship is new for me. I'm so used to being on my own.
"What time did you get up?" He hugged me tighter.
"I'm not sure, a few hours ago at least." I mumbled.
"Why didn't you wake me up?" He asked.
Why is he asking so many questions?
"You needed sleep." I kissed his cheek.
He turned around to face me and looked into my eyes.
"You're so tense, what's wrong?" He said, propping himself up on his elbow and putting his hand on my hip.
"Nothing, I'm good." I smiled.
He's always been good at seeing right through me. I don't feel like talking about my emotions right now, or at all for that matter.
"Tasha.." He pushed the issue.
"I said, I'm good." I put my hand on the side of his face.
"Okay. Well, whatever it is, I love you." He kissed me.
"I love you." I whispered.
Maybe I'm wrong for not talking about it, but I feel like it's better that I don't. It's no big deal, really. I'm just still shaken up from that day. This feeling will pass, it has to, right?
"Are you hungry?" I asked, no longer wanting the attention on me.
"Yeah, come on." He said and rolled over to get out of bed.
I climbed out of bed, relieved he didn't keep asking questions. Hopefully, he'll forget about it. We walked out and into his kitchen. He opened his fridge to find it practically empty.
"Okay, well there goes breakfast." He laughed.
"I'm not that hungry anyways." I smiled.
He started a pot of coffee for me and put water on the stove for his tea.
"What do you want to do today?" He asked.
"I don't know, just relax. If that's okay?"
I'm not in the greatest mood today. I just want him to hold me all day.
"Perfect," he said reaching behind me to grab cups, "just like you." He kissed my cheek.
I chuckled in response, I'm far from perfect. I'm still getting used to this lovey-dovey stuff, it's not that I don't like it, because I do. I get butterflies in my stomach every time he compliments me or does something for me. It's just weird, I didn't have it in other relationships. Reade handed me my cup of coffee and we went into the living room. I sat close to him, but not too close. He flipped through the channels trying to find something good to watch. After about five minutes of flipping through channels, he turned the TV off and sighed.
"Nothing good?" I asked, looking at him over my coffee cup.
"Nope, a whole lot of boring stuff." He said, putting his arm around me.
I set my cup on the table in front of the couch and leaned back onto him. I don't mind sitting in silence, it's not always awkward. Sometimes, it's comforting. Anything I do with him is comforting. If the world was ending and he was with me, I'd be comfortable. I've never felt that way about anyone and it's always been like that with him. I took his hand in mine and played with his fingers. If there ever comes a day where I can't hold his hand anymore, I don't know what I'll do.
"Tash?" He said, pulling me closer.
"Yes?" I snuggled into the small of his neck.
"Are you sure you're alright?" He sounded hesitant, like he didn't know if he should ask again.
I feel bad for making him worry. We haven't talked about the incident since it happened. I kept telling myself it was just another day at work and I've been too dramatic.
"I'm just.. I can't.." I struggled trying to find the right words. "You.. I thought you died, Reade." My voice cracked at "died". I feel so dumb, like I shouldn't be this upset. This happened two weeks ago. He was silent for a moment before answering.
"I know that was scary, I was scared too-" he paused. I can sense the "but" coming after. "But it's part of-"
I cut him off, "the job. I know, it's part of the job. That's not what scares me. What scares me is losing you, period." I'm frustrated, I don't know that I can make him understand. I'm sitting up now, facing him.
"I'm not going anywhere, Tasha. There is not one thing in this world that can break us apart. I'm always going to be here with you. You may be able to come up with a hundred million reasons for me to leave, but you'll be the reason I stay." He held my hand with both of his.
He's wrong, there is one thing that can break us apart and that's death. I won't say it aloud. I looked down at our hands, holding back tears in my eyes.
He continued, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be. I'm sorry that day happened the way it did. I owe you a lifetime. I will spend every second of everyday making it up to you."
I gave up on holding my tears back. I'm quiet as they pour out of my eyes. I feel like I'm losing control. He pulled me into his lap and held me. My head lays on one shoulder and my hand on the other.
"I love you so much." I said, almost whispering.
"I love you." He wiped the tears off my face.
"Are you aware of how beautiful your smile is? Every single time, without any effort. I want to see it all the time and I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to do that." He said.
I couldn't help but smile like an idiot. He always has the right thing to say.
"Stop." I laughed and hugged him tighter.
The heavy feeling in my chest went away. I don't feel scared anymore, maybe I just needed reassurance.