Forgiven But Not Forgotten

Chapter 4: Call

Ring, ring, ring!

Alex rolled over in bed. "Five more minutes"

Ring, ring, ring! Ring, ring, ring!

Alex finally gave up on any efforts of falling back to sleep and groggily answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey," said a husky, familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"John?!" Alex was awake now.

"Yeah," John replied. "Sorry I missed your call." Understatement of the year award goes to...

"It's fine, really," said Alex as he got out of bed as quietly as he could without disturbing Eliza, who was sleeping soundly next to him. "What's up?"

"I was just calling to make sure Hercules told you I was, um, going to, um, the- the-" He couldn't seem to spit out the word.

"Wedding. The wedding, right. I'll put you down," he finished as he wrote John's name down. "Did he, um, ask you about the other thing?" Alex tapped the pen on the notepad nervously. After everything he had put John through he was sure he would never say-

"Yes," John said. "He asked me and I'll do it." He tried to sound cool and collected through the phone even though he was forcing himself not to scream, cry, hang up, or all of the above.

"Oh!" Alex was completely taken by sup rise. "That's, um, that's amazing! I'll write that down too!" He frantically scribbled down Best Man (!) next to John's name.

"Great, yeah," John said, unsure of where the conversation was going to go now.

For a while there was silence on both ends. Static of inactivity that seemed to hurt the ears of both men. Alex was the first to break the silence.

"John," he began. "I don't know if you've read my messages, and if you haven't I don't blame you. They are a bit long and, um, numerous. But I want you to know that I meant every word I sent." He waits a moment for John to respond, even though he knows he won't. "I just want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. I loved you so much. All the years I watched you go through that pain when I left, broke my heart. I hated seeing you suffer. But I did it for a good reason..."

Alexander took a deep breath. "When I broke up with you, I was coming to terms with the fact that I am polyamorous."

He remembered that time in his life. It was scary for him. His feelings were so intense and confusing, he had no idea how to deal with them. He knew he loved John, but he began developing just as true feelings about other people and that scared him.

"I didn't want you to have to find out the wrong way because of my nonexistent self-control or some other terrible reason. I wanted to spare you that kind of heart break. I thought that would have been better for you if I just told you I didn't have time..." He stopped short. He wasn't sure what else he was going to say. He waited again for John's reply. "John? Please say something, anything..." He held his breath.

"I forgive you," came a reply many moments later. John knew Hercules was right, he just didn't want to admit it. He did feel better knowing that Alex had John's best interests at heart, even if they weren't the right ones.

"I forgive you. I know that you cared very deeply about me and you still do, just in a different way now." Even those words stung John right in his very core. "I just wish you could have been more honest with me and let me help you with what you were going through." He sighs. "It hurts the most knowing you didn't think I would be open-minded enough or understanding enough to still support and love you, even if you are poly." His eyes began to water again.

"I know, I know," Alex shook his head at himself. "I should have known you would have stayed by my side. It was just- I was scared." He sank into the big, fat chair in Eliza's living room. "I didn't know what was happening and the thought of loving someone other than you frightened me."

John couldn't help but laugh silently at his old friend's words. He was afraid of loving someone other than John, yet here he was marrying a woman he virtually just met.

"It's okay Alex, I get it. Look, I have to go get some actual food for my house since Hercules ate all of the sandwich stuff," he lied. He really just wanted to end the call before he broke down again.

"Oh uh, yeah, that's cool. I'll uh, talk to you later, maybe?" He sounded hopeful, which made John feel guilty.

"Yeah, maybe..."

"Hey John?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for being my best man. It means a lot..."

"No problem."

Click.