Distracted

ever since i started school my mom told me i would have friends. she said "oh Ellie, youre so beautiful. why would anyone not want to be your friend? gorgeous personality, mother like your own!" she laughed everytime. i dont laugh because its not much of a joke to have no one who will take you seriously. or anyone at all.

everyone says im different. that they cant be friends with me because someone is better. that im not as pretty as them.i dont care if i'm ugly, i know it already. i would rather not have people lie and call me pretty. i guess i have an okay personality but i know there is a reason i dont have friends. everyone is better than me.

my entire life, I've been the number zero on the charts, bad grades, bad hair, ugly face, nothing about me was pretty.

That didn't change peoples ways. I usually wear my hair up in a little bright red bun, same black oversized hoodie hiding my tattoos and cuts, torn teal jeans with my favorite purple high tops. People will go and call me goth, emo, punk, scene, etc. but maybe that's who I am. What if my hopes and dreams in life are to be tagged by assholes like them?

The piercings on my lips hide the pain that needs to escape my mouth but freezes in my lungs, the air cannot escape from me when you look at me with that same disgusted look. -Eleanore Alice Vermont

Even though I'm 17, I get along perfectly with my mom. She's possibly the best Mother Earth could present. My parents are divorced, my dad lives 45 hours away and doesn't care to visit me or even call. He's been in jail a few times for getting in fights, abuse to his ex wives and girlfriends, but that's the thing... He thinks that because a girl is pretty, she doesn't know how to kick his ass. Like my mom for instance, gone to court to get full custody of me to protect me from the dangers of living with my dad. His past of choking, throwing, and shoving my mother into things put him in jail for years plus he had to do community service and give up ever seeing me again.

I called him on my seventh birthday and I heard him saying "who the hell is this? Why are you calling me, can't you hear this woman screaming? I need to catch her. *police sirens* 'sir, hands behind your back.' NO, I have a baby at home!!" Last words from my father I heard. 10 years ago and that's my only memory of him.

My room is the only place I spend my life in since I dropped out of high school. I redecorate it every year differently. This year it's purple galaxy and magic looking, I thought the idea of it would turn out cool, I've got lots of homemade canopies and string lights around them, my bedspread is cheeseburger, my favorite food. And I have a giant flat screen tv hanging on the wall across from where I sleep, my lamps are all Star Wars, one has a Death Star lightbulb thing, and the other one has all the characters on the shade with a light saber as the post. I have a cat, her name is Marzi and she is a white Persian, when I dyed my hair purple, the bottle spilled on her back and dripped down her sides so she is a dripping bright purple color but since I gave her so many baths she turned a little bit magenta. c:

When I was in school I was always in the office or in a room by myself catching up on missing assignments, when I was back people went around saying "hey guys, Eleanore is back from rehab!! - hey Ellie, what did you do this time, drive your moms Ferrari drunk?" These were the typical things they said to me when I was at school. I'm in the office a lot. Sorting out things my dad did in the past, to why I'm getting into so many fights. Also I have never been to rehab before in my life, the one time I've talked to a police officer is when Charlie and Emily tricked me into getting them Alcohol for one of their parties and calling the cops on me. I always smell like smoke because my mom can't afford a washing machine so we get to use our neighbors, however they smoke. They're also very rich and allow me to borrow their car, in which would be a Ferrari. No one in my house has the money to afford anything but my old jeep. I'm most definitely not complaining because I love my car to the moon and back.