My Friend, Sue

I'm looking into the eyes of one of my best friends, Ana. There is disappointment and mild shock written all over her face. I look sadly down at my almost completely eaten doughnut, and my eyes immediately start to fill up with tears. I look back into the eyes of Ana whose eyes are the exact same color of blue as mine.

"You're pathetic," she says, her voice cold and her face void of all emotion except for bitter anger.

My eyes start to water even more as I slowly open the trash can and throw away the last one hundred calories that I never let into my body. "Ana, I'm sorry," I say, tearfully.

"Don't even talk to me," she says before throwing her hands up in defeat and taking a few steps away from me as if calories were contagious. "There's just no getting through to you."

I open my mouth to reply and beg her not to give up hope on me, when one of my other best friends, Mia, appeared at Ana's shoulder.

Her eyes were kind and filled with hope. "It's okay," she says to me, looking at me with those same blue eyes. "I can help you get rid of it."

I smile through my tears, as Ana says, "Good. Maybe you will be able to get through to her." And then she disappeared.

Mia holds out her hand to me, smiling kindly, and I return her smile as I take her hand and allow her to lead me up the stairs.

We enter the bathroom and my porcelain relief is sitting there, waiting for me. Always waiting for me.

Mia closes the bathroom door behind us without letting go of my hand. She walks me over to my bowl of relief and she briefly lets go of my hand to lift the seat for me and pull back my hair. She gently rubs my right shoulder, and says softly, "It's okay, honey, it will all be over soon. Just do what I showed you and don't stop until it's all gone."

She grabs my hand again, supporting me, and I use my index and middle finger on my free hand to bring back up all the calories. It takes me about ten minutes, which is longer than it usually takes me but I just had to make sure I got it all out.

When I was done, I take some toilet paper and wipe my mouth and then I throw that in with the calories I forced back up. I flush the calories out of my sight. I can't help but smile at my success, and I turn around, hoping to see Mia's proud look, but my smile fades as I realize that she's gone. I didn't even notice when she let go of my hand.

I can't help but feel disappointed as I stand up and walk over to the porcelain sink to scrub the evidence from my mouth.

I look up and see myself in the mirror. I grab at my chubby cheeks and I take notice of my double chin as if its screaming for attention. I turn to my side and lift up my shirt to examine my stomach. I'm still fat and I can practically see the stretch marks forming. And is right...I am pathetic.

I'm on the verge of tears again as I shamefully shove my shirt back down. I place my hand over my mouth to keep my sobs from escaping. I look to my left and I see my worst enemy there on the floor...like always.

I walk over to it, trying to fight my tears, and to calm my breathing. I step on it and look straight ahead to ensure an accurate measurement. I hold my breath before looking down.

87, my worst enemy says, and I can't help but let the tears fall freely this time. That's not good enough, I think to myself.

Ross will never date you and your father will never accept you, I tell myself. I step off of my worst enemy and allow the burning sadness and overwhelming depression envelope me as I look at myself in the mirror again, wishing I could have some kind of relief from this pain. Just as I was finished thinking, I wish Cat was here, another one of my best friends, Cat, appeared at my shoulder.