I'm Stupid, Not Cupid

Just For Kibum

Winter, the cold snow, the cold wind, the cold surroundings, the cold everything... The cold Kibum.

After we celebrate Jonghyun's third year death anniversary, everything changes. From the warm hearted Kibum into a cold one. I don't know what happened but I'm always sure that it's because of Jonghyun. We only had our fifth months anniversary last week but Kibum seldom talks. He used to lock himself inside our room and sometimes, refuses to eat. I'm worried to death. I don't want him to go to the point where he's going to kill himself.

I seek some help from our friends, Taemin and Minho but they can't make Kibum cheer up. He'd gotten worse. He stopped eating and his body is so thin like one blow of the wind can make him fly away.

I always keep reminding him about his promise to Jonghyun after he read his letter but it only worsen the situation. He always tend to cry whenever he hears Jonghyun's name. I decided to keep all of Jonghyun's picture in a box. I don't want to cause another trouble anymore.

I asked help from the professionals but they gave up because of Kibum's stubborness. I wanted to give up too but I can't. I need to make him happy. I need to keep my promise to Jonghyun.

Oh, Jonghyun.. I remember the day that I saw him. He's so like Kibum today. Weak, thin and very delicate. When he called my name, my heart slowly dropped. How can a weak man call me with my full name and a "hyung" after? I turned to look at him and I wanted to cry. It's because of me... He became like that because of me. If I didn't bumped him by my car, he wouldn't have brain cancer. I'm stupid... I'm selfish.

I bursted out crying in front of him. He asked my why I'm crying but I keep on muttering words like "I'm so sorry" and "Forgive me, Jonghyun". I admitted my mistakes to him but he forgive me after the horrible things that I had done to him. How can he be such a nice person? I'm the one who's killing me but he just forgive me that quickly?

"Just promise me, Onew hyung. Take care of Kibum with all your might. Love him the way I love him." He said and I kept my promise.

I looked at the sleeping Kibum beside me. I kissed his bow-shaped lips and caressed his hair. He slowly opened his eyes and for the first time, I saw his smile.

He touched my cheeks and my lips. His weak hands traveling down from my face to my body. He looked me in the eyes and he opened his mouth, wanting to speak.

"J-Jonghyun.."

He whispered and I nodded. There's nothing that I can do. He loves Jonghyun and he's the only one who can make him like this. I love Kibum very much. I don't want him to suffer more even though I'm the one who's suffering and hurting.

"I love you, Jonghyun. Don't ever leave me again..." He hugged me and I hugged him back. I tried to hush him and I know these words is the only way. "I'll never leave you again, Kibum. I love you, too." I teared up. If this is the only way, I need to do it.

Just for Kibum.