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            One of the first things you should probably know is that I am not quite a hesitant person. I can just think or something to do on the spot and get started on it immediately without much planning or thinking of the consequences of the said action, which is why I am now choosing from an array of knives and blades I want to use to kill my boyfriend. You read it correctly. I am planning to kill my boyfriend. Killing him is much easier than breaking up with him. I simply love him too much to accept the fact that he might be planning to break up with me.

            Things were so perfect between us; I couldn't help wondering why he would want to break up with me out of the blue like this. He hasn't actually said so, but I believed that his cold ways to me were subtle hints of just that. Well, Cavan asked me to be his girlfriend on my birthday. That was the best birthday gift I have ever received. He was all I have ever hoped for ever since we got to know each other better in late August this year.

            It all started so spontaneously, just like my personality. We rarely even spoke to each other in the beginning of the year, and we just started greeting each other in the hallway. Then suddenly I was celebrating his birthday with his other friends and being singled out from the crowd when he was taking pictures with his friends. His friends got group photos and I got a picture with him alone.

            Afterwards, there's the time when he would be playing basketball with his best buddies and come back looking for me with his shirt soaked through with his sweat. You may or may not have guessed it, but he would then take his shirt off and throw the wet shirt at me and laugh when I show a disgusted expression at his actions.

            Within that short timeframe we got to know each other just well enough to fall for each other and we just agreed to take our relationship a step further on the 1st of October.

            It all sounded something like a whirlwind romance story, no? I don't even know what happened leading us to this stage where we both felt so distant from each other. What I got so far led me to believe that Cavan thought I am a boring person, too constant, and know nothing about being pretty. It seemed kind of expected that he would get bored of me with so many other pretty ladies out there.

            But I don't want to lose him, I really don't.

            The least I can do is to make sure that I'm the last girl he will ever love before he dies. I still am his girlfriend, and I will kill him while still having this identity.

            He will be mine even in his death.

            I chose a penknife. Concealable, easy to handle. I have cut myself with this same penknife before. It's sharp enough to draw blood just by brushing it along the skin with a little pressure. I imitated a stabbing action.

            How many stabs would I need to kill a person with this? What about tiny cuts?

            I kept the penknife in the back pocket of my jeans and pulled out my phone.

            "Hey babe, let's meet up."

            "Now?"

            "Yeah, just want to get the conflict between us over with. Come over, basketball court. I'll be waiting."

            I walked out to the appointed place then, knowing that he would be there in half an hour or so, depending on how much he was rushing. He's always late to our meetings.

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