High of the Lows

2

"Fuck! Mom, isn't it serious?"

"Yes. It can be without proper medical treatment, but I'm getting that." She started to violently cough into a bloody tissue.

I grabbed the tissue and held it up to her.

"This doesn't look serious to you?" I was astonished by this. How is she so calm?

"This is just a symptom. I'm okay. Please just calm down."

I stared at her as if she just grew a second head. I sat down and put my head in my hands. Why is this happening? I can't lose her. Not like this.

"Is there anything I can do?" I grabbed her hand and held it in mine. It was so weak and fragile in my hand.

"Stay here. Just stay here... with me. I can't stand the silence." Her voice cracked at the last word.

I brought my mom into my chest. I held as I felt the sobs release themselves. I held her head against me. I missed this. I missed her. She maybe messed up as a mom, but who isn't fucked up? Hiccups and sniffles were filling the air.

"This is not how I wanted your first night here to go." I laughed.

"I thought it would go worse, so this is quite the better option." I pulled back to look at her.

 Her cheeks were hollowed, but not to the point you could see bones. Her hair was matted and greasy. She had dark bags under her eyes that made her look hollow and broken. What have I done to her? 

" Alright, that's enough tears for a night. Now, you get out of here. Go explore the town, find old memories. I'll be here when you get back." She pushed up from the ground, wobbling a little as she stood.

I followed her

"Mom, are you sure. I could stay with you if you want." She smiled.

"I made it months without you I think I can make it a night." She placed a kiss on my cheek and hobbled up the stairs to her room. 

I grabbed my keys off the counter and exited the house. I turned back and locked the house. This is getting too familiar. It feels like I'm leaving again. I shake my head and go down the steps, nearly slipping on the ice that had formed there. I trip and stumble to my car because I'm a quirky teen- I'm not even a teenager anymore. What am I then, a quirky adult, a quirky has been?  I put my hands against the steering wheel. Where do I go?  It doesn't matter I'll just drive. I start the car. Pulling away from the house, I see a light go out at the top of the stairs. I stare forward. I lose myself in the songs and words in my head. I let them take me away to a greener tomorrow that I wish for. I passed houses I've known for so long that all seemed foreign and odd. It was like the town had grew up without me, and I'm still stuck behind. I passed by stores and lights that all blurred to together into a line of lights. It was late, yet the streets were filled. Tourists and natives all came together to make a sea of people that clogged the streets. I drove past all of it. I didn't stop until my car was washed in neon lights that flickered and buzzed. I looked up and saw an all too familiar sign that read, "Pal's Auto Garage and Gas Station." They had gotten rid of the cheaply made sign and replaced it with a red neon sign that was cursive. I stared at it. I sighed. What was I doing?  Fuck it. I pushed my door open and set my eyes onto the door, willing myself to keep walking. I was not going to chicken out. I walked through the door that chimed, announcing my arrival. I smiled awkwardly a the store clerk. She sighed deeply and went back to reading her magazine. Nice. Great start. I glided past the junk food. I felt like eyes were slowly watching my every movement. I knew I wasn't the only costumer here. There was a woman looking at drinks while a child tugged at her dress, an elderly couple sat at a table reading, and a child stood by the counter looking at the 99 cent key chains that broke with the slightest of pull. I continued to the back of the store. I stopped when I reached the dull roar and bright colors of the slushie machines. I looked at it remembering the three words that ruined my heart, even if I didn't know it then.

" Cherry or lime?" A voice behind me said in a hushed voice. 

I turned to see.

"Jonathan."