i loved you more

ROSES I

I stood looking down at the grave, gripping onto the thick bottom of the bouquet of red roses i had brought. i sat in front of the it, with my knees digging into the concrete. i placed the bouquet in front of the grave. it had been almost 3 years since the loss of my brother, Jason Harper.  tomorrow was going to be his birthday. and Jason's birthday had been one of the most depressing days of the year. and the biggest whisper fest. there had always been some new rumors that people would come up with on his birthday.

glaring onto the tombstone with the words "Jason Harper" engraved on it. seems like it was just yesterday. the body had never been found so the casket was empty. there was just one thing that was responsible for the memory of Jason. a dumb piece of rock with his full name and his birthday and the day he died on it.  

i stood up , wiping a tear from my cheek. i silently waved bye at the grave somehow expecting it to wave back.

i walked the whole way home with people staring at me from across the street. and my response, a wave and a smile. some looked like they pitied me, some looked like the wanted me dead, others looked at me with disgust written all over their face.  i walked up to my house,  knowing probably my parents weren't home. they were out before i left making plans for tomorrows memorial dinner party. i entered my home hanging my coat on the hooks in front of the door . i called out to my parents "mom, dad. I'm back". even if they were home they wouldn't care. looked like they were already making changes for the dinner party. they had put tables of food near the staircase against the wall in the lobby.

i walked into the parlor, there were rows of red velvet chairs. the chairs were split in the middle creating an isle in between to walk through. they had put down a red velvet carpet in both, the lobby and the parlor. i walked through the isle in the parlor, walking towards the memorial itself.

i walked up to it. i brushed my fingertips against Jason's picture. beside the picture, my parents neatly folded and placed Jason's football jersey. behind the picture were a few bouquets of flowers. i was positive tomorrow there would be even more.