i loved you more

//CENSORED//

"Jason put other people's needs in front of his"

i read from word-filled page. "he was never afraid of what that would do to him. he thought if we learned to love each other everything would be fine" i continued."but as vulnerable as he sounds right now,he isn't. he was one of a kind, he never let people get into his way. just when you thought you could sneak past him, you would always fail. he was raised in a family that could have changed him into a cruel, money craving, businessman. just then my dad gave me a stern look from the last row." but he never let that thought get to him". i chuckled. " not even this speech could describe about how incredibly lucky i was to have him in my life and to personally know him, but hopefully this will describe- i felt my voice breaking down. i took in a deep breath and a long pause with all of the audiences sorry eyes staring at me. i continued. "but hopefully this will describe how much he deserved to live."

i looked down as i exited the podium. i returned to my seat in the sixth row.

much later after the memorial......

"this place is a mess!" my mom said as she inspected the food tables. my dad was reading some cards that people had wrote too Jason, but the rest of the memorial left untouched. "well I'm happy for once you are gonna help me clean it up." i beamed at my mom. my mom chuckled. "who said I'm cleaning this up". "you did" i said raising an eyebrow."not today". my dad said placing the cards back in order. "your mom and i are leaving for a business trip in Ottawa." my dad said putting one arm around my mom."come on lets get our luggage, we don't want to be late". both of my parents headed upstairs. i had already started carrying the bowls from the food tables to the kitchen while my parents  got ready.

from the top of the stairs my mom dragged her heavy luggage down the steps with my dad following her, my dad was also carrying luggage but much less then my mom. when my mom had reached the bottom of the stairs, she placed her luggage near the door."how am i going to clean all of this up by my self" i said to my mom. my mom ignored me. i decided not to ask again, that would be just a waist of energy. a honk came from outside, "honey that must  be our chauffeur" my dad exclaimed, whilst picking up his luggage. my dad walked put the front door to greet the chauffeur. my mom picked up her luggage. she looked back at me, she held the doorknob. "all of this will be cleaned up by the time we get home". she stared at me waiting for a reply, i nodded back at her. my mom slammed the door as she walked out.

that very night i had miserably cleaned the whole first level of my house,only waiting for the sweet victory of falling into a deep hazy slumber

after taking a shower and changing from my sweaty clothes i went upstairs to my room, as i reached the top of the stairs i looked to to the left side of me. hesitating, i looked straight ahead string to ignore the fact that this was the perfect moment to sneak into my parent's private said of the house, you see before Jason's death my dad and my mom had split the house into half one half was theirs the others was Jason's and mine. it had always been like that since then, and no one was ever aloud on their side.

i decided i wasn't going to interfere with my parents room. i walked my way, straight ahead before i reached my room, on second thought i had cleaned up the whole ground floor all by myself, i deserved this.