Cracks

A BOOK

From the hot corridor I go in cold apartment. I left my keys on the table and go in kitchen make cold cofe. I laugh to myself and mine cup whos I chose. Stay the same. Yea, right.

Perfect welcome is a view on the sleep city and red sky. I look passers who probably do not know that I watching. If they had same stories like mine or they stories are more worse? What is behind smileing face and casual outfit? What is sotry of girl with disappointed face witch is passed by a couple of lovers. My grandmother come trought my head. What is her story? Our todays converstation completely makes me confuse. Her eyse never looked me like that. Smart and deep like they look trought me and now her know everything about me and all my thoughts. That scared me. I know I never be close with her nor she love me like Ella but I always had respect. Perosn who stay loyal and committed to their faith (faith whos I never understund) make me respect becouse she had what I rarely have. She have focus. Can I blame yoursefl? Probably not, I tried make changes. Your mind never changes.

Someone ring at the door. I need second to move on. Who is now? When I left my parents I never had a guests. I hang out with my friends in Drug's, a local pub. I looked through the peephole in the door. It is nobody there. I close the door. Corridor are empty. I alredy start go in when I saw a little carton box on the floor with my name. I overhear wether some sounds inside box. When I sure there are not a bomb I carefuly tried found something else except my name. I found nothing. With a knife I carefuly opened box.

I take out a newpapre and looked in box. Inside box is big book imported in brown skin. Title was A book I take book and drop box down. Under my fingers I felt life. I felt book energy like it is alive. I carefuly open first book page. Nothing. I skim a few page. Nothing. A few more. Nothing. A few more. NOTHING. Who would have gift me such a book? Can I even told that this book is a gift. I don't know who sent me that gift nor whay they left it at the my door. Only that I have is a creepy feeling life under my fingers. That feeling makes my body as a current and make me crazy. So many energy I never felt not on one sacrifice or on rite. Wildness insade me grow. I can't stop leaf book page and stop founding something, founding even one fuck information why I felt so many energy. I'm crazy. I need solve that wildness and I trow book in wall so hardly that I could.

Anger just gone. In my head I fight with myself. I don't understund how one empty book mekes me so crazy. I walk in pleace front the book. Behind book its a small papre. What a hell? On a papre with a beautyful female handwritten wrote Welcome.

I stand there I don't know how much long my selfphone ring. Disorientated I found it in kichen. Ella. What a hell she want now?

Hello?

Hey Rose. Are you okay, do I interfere?

No. Just maybe I was too hard, nothing. What you want?

Look, I hope, if you could, give me some money. This time is not a lot, really. I need it so far and I brings you back, promise.

Again, Ella? I know you brings me back but when? You just you don't brings me nor 3 000 that I have lent. It might that I this money push in the ocean becose miss was bought a new dress witch she don't need. When she lives with mom and dad she was wasteful and she do not refrain bought desinger clothes several times a month. From how she left mom and dad she spend more and more money for clothes. She lives in fuck luxury fairytale.

I know Rose, I know. That money I need so far.

I give in. Again.

OK, how much you need?, pause. To the other side is silence like ther is nobody ther.

Again 3 000. She sound so sweety and innocent to get me back.

3 000??!! For what you need that money again?

Look Rosali I really need that money, Please, please!

Damn it. i'm done. I give she that money just get of the headset. I lose a lot fucking nerves without her.

Tomorrow your expect the money in your acconut.

O thank you sister. You are the best. Thank you, thank you. She is fucking annoyng.

Yea, right. I have work to do. And I just locked the handset.

It isn't about money, I had it enough. I don't like it when she is so wasteful. She need saveing money than to live alone. She never come smart. I hope that she find a job and she don't live only of money than grandmother and I sent to her. I need one more time visit her, that will be tomorrow.