Kats POV
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The sun was shining through the blinds right on to my face. Why didn't I close those last nigh. uhhg. At least there's food cooking, i can smell the bacon. The guys must be up cause Vi is still out cold next to me. Shes sleeping so hard that I checked her breathing ya know just in case. I might as well go out there before they burn down the whole apartment complex. Swinging my feet out of the bed cringing as they come in contact with the concrete floor. Yes concrete floor that's how shitty or apartment is no flooring just cold hard concrete. Not bothering to put a T-shirt on I walk into the kitchen in my spandex and sports bra. No I'm not a whore, the boys see me like this all the time when we fly so shut your face. Ducking just in time as an egg fly's in my direction. It splatters against the wall like it would have done to my head if I hadn't ducked. This is why I decided to get up, there's flour and egg all over the counters and floor of the kitchen. Chris and Trae are standing with their hands behind their backs, huge guilty smiles are adorning their faces as I glare at them.
" Y'alls best be cleaning this shit up, or I'm gonna have some serious ass whooping to do!"
They bring out the ghetto-er side of me sometimes. I caught them snicker and the accent behind the words. That stopped as soon as I glared at them.
"Kit-Kat! We made you bacon! and pancakes!! Please let us live!"
"Bacon and Pancakes?!" I asked raising an eyebrow.
" Yup!! Both!! We even made extra bacon just for you Kat!!"
Chris smiles and pushes a heaping plate of bacon towards me. This is good. I'm happy with this as long as they clean there damn mess up. I hear the bedroom door creak and a very hungover Vi comes stumbling out rubbing her eyes mumbling.
"Ya'll have better made some coffee. I need caffeine like pronto."
"And bitchy hungover Vi is out this morning I see"
Trae and I snicker at Chris's comment. Vi just glares and ad drinks her coffee. She should be nice after about three cups. Five and she will be just fine. She gets major hangovers, me on the other hand I just get small headaches. They are usually gone within an hour or so, unless I mix my liquor. That's when I get super hungover.
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Vi and the boys went to go pick up some movies for later and stop at Walmart for more bacon. Who doesn't want more bacon. So I'm stuck in this tiny apartment...alone. When Vi and the boys are here everything is fine. I'm fine. As soon as there gone though.. that's when I'm not okay. Like now for instance. I'm standing in the bathroom just staring in the mirror. Have you ever just stared in the mirror at yourself? I mean really looked. Watching the way your reflection moves the way you do, really looking yourself over seeing who you really are. Staring into the eyes in the mirror seeing deep into yourself. Coming across the realization that the person in the mirror that's looking back at you, that moves the same way you do, looks like you, but you have no idea who they are. That person in the mirror your reflection isn't you. When did I loose the spark in my eyes, when did the vibrant blue grey color turn into a flat, dull grey? When did the monster inside me, become who I am? My eyes travel down my reflection to my left wrist and my thighs. The scars alone just make me want to break. I have to remind myself I have two months. Two months of crying on the cold bathroom floor with the shiny piece of metal in my hand. Fighting a war in my head. A war against myself. Tears start to roll off my cheeks onto the concrete floor making a soft splashing sound on impact. People tell me to destroy what destroys me but what happens if that thing is myself? Sliding down the wall behind me, pulling my knees to my chest and crying. I cant do this. But I can't put Vi through this either. Its going to make her fight harder. Shes doing so much better than me. She has four months down. I don't know how long I was sitting there before the demons finally won. Crawling across the floor to the sink ripping the blade I had tapped there down. It stings for a minute but then the numb, calm feeling washes over me. One. Two. Three. The fourth one was deep, maybe a little to deep but I will survive. I'm still crying but I'm numb. I know that I need to get up and clean this up before they get home. I just can't I don't have the energy. I just sit there staring blankly at the mirror,, silent tears falling down my face.
I walk down the hall to my last class of the day before I can go home so me and Vi can do our usual weekend routine. Fight, Party, movie day with the boys. Just 90 more minutes and your home free. Glancing down at my vibrating phone I see HIS name. What the fuck could he want. Hasn't he fucked with me enough. Sliding the bar to the right putting the phone to my ear, "what do you want?" I snarl into the mouth piece.
"Now is that any way to treat your Father?
"I can treat you how ever I want, and you are not my Father. You left me remember? Just leave me and my friends alone. I am not giving you any more money. Last time was supposed to be it. You were supposed to leave me alone."
"You little bitch. I brought you into this world and I most certainly can take you out of it. I would be doing the world a favor anyway. Your fat ugly ass is a sore sight. Not to mention your a freak. What the hell are you even? A bird? Not human that's for sure. I'm ashamed you are my daughter."
By now tears were streaming down my face.
" Fuck you. You are not my Father. I am definitely not giving you anymore money. Contact me again and see what happens mother fucker."
with that I hung up. That put the cherry on the shit sundae my week was. I am so done.
Pulled out of my flash back of Friday by the door slamming. I hear Vi calling my name and walking into the bedroom. I cant reply. I cant move. I cant do anything but sit here and stare at the damn wall. The bathroom door handle turns and the door opens in slow motion, well it seemed like slow motion. I didn't want her to find me like this. When she sees me on the floor her face falls and she gasps. Falling to her knees beside me holding my hand, talking a hundred miles a minute. The tears fall harder, still silent. All I can mumble out is "it's his fault. I'm sorry Vi."
"whose fault hun?"
"I'm sorry. So so sorry"
My tears are no longer silent, I was full on sobbing and Vi cradled me in her arms. She just sat there and held me. Let me cry myself to sleep in her arms.
