In My Mind

Day 1:

My family. Gone.

                              My friends. Dead.

    A malfunction with the boat engine in a terrible storm they'd said. All the empty condolences echoed around in my mind, 

Terrible timing...

It was a horrible accident...

I'm so sorry for your loss...

 

All meaning words to cover up one fact: I killed my family.

      I was the one who suggested going on the boat.

I was the one who convinced them it was harmless going out without a guide.

I was the one who'd turned off the radio and missed the announcement of the storm

I...... was the one responsible for the deaths of seven people.

It should've been me who died.

Not my Mom.

Not my Dad.

Not sweet, charismatic, Mikey.

I wouldve done anything for him, anything. My brother of all people didn't deserve this. Mikey was special. He was supposed to go to college, become a surgeon, settle down with a nice girl, and have a family.
Have the kind of life I didn't deserve

God seemed to have a twisted sense of humor, making me the lone survivor of the wreckage. Two broken ribs and sixteen stitches but still in technical terms "alive."

They'd only managed to save me. The bodies of the rest of my family were found a week later.

A cruel twist of fate. I deserved it and so much more.

Gone. They were all gone. No trace of them. No home, no family, no friends. All that was left was pain.

I was not good. I was ruined, damaged.

Dead, all dead all of them dead, dead, dead, DEAD.

Everyone left me. Only the voices stayed, stayed until I couldn't take it anymore; until my head was about to explode.

Only the knife took the pain away. All the pain away, the knife, it only started to hurt at first, then everything felt numb.

But then orderly knocked,found me with slit wrists and they took me away from the beautiful numbess.

Took me away from happiness. Brought me back to the voices and the pain, and locked me in "for my own good". Claimed I was a danger to myself and others.

Liars, they were all liars that wanted me to suffer, to burn. Took my away from my only friend. The only escape I had.

Kept me from all things sharp, didn't let me experience the cold, blissful darkness.

  My entire world stopped that day but everyone else just kept spinning. The world forgot about me, and left me alone, with the all the greif, all the pain.

For two years my soul was dead, broken and bloody; the remains of invisible war fought only by one lone soldier: me.

           Seven hundred and thirty days passing agonizingly slow.

        One thousand and fifty-two minutes of suffering through a world of being silent; of feeling like a freak, an outcast.

           Someone who didn't have a place in this world; who became a freak not a "normal" person anymore. Ever since that one stupid mistake I'll regret for the rest of my life; that one second where everything changed in a heartbeat.

             That one moment in life when you wish so badly that a universal control existed. Something that would make it so easy to just fix everything by just  a click of a few buttons.

Hiting reverse; to take everything back to the beginning.  To  press pause,  freezing the scenes to make everything to your liking.

Choosing play, replaying the entire story; watching as the events unfold like it should've happened the first time. With the crisis averted and your happily ever after here, right before the rolling credits, knowing that somehow everything will be okay.

Yeah, If only.

               Sadly my life isn't a movie where everyone gets what they want. I don't have a universal remote to control real life, and my story definitely doesn't have fairytale ending.  My name is Avery Clemmons. I'm the only survivor of a boat crash, and this is my story.

Vote. Comment. Sorry I'm a new writer so this might suck but bear with me guys!