He was kissing me. Me. I had been weeks dreaming about that, and it was happening. A strange feeling ran all over my body and got stuck in my chest. I felt happy for the first time in years. It looked so easy, I just had to close my eyes, put my lips against his, and all the pain just faded away. It was unreal.
In a beginning, our lips got together like two pieces of a puzzle carefully placed. Then we felt thirstier for each other. I wrapped his neck with my arms and I pulled him towards me. I had him an inch away, but I still wanted him closer to my body. Suddenly, I felt his hand on my chest; I could feel my heart beating fast against his fingers, while he unbuttoned my blouse, one by one button. I could feel my breathing becoming more agitated, and my lips devouring his. I was in heaven, till someone knocked my room's door.
I looked at my blouse; I didn't have enough time to button it. So I hid in Steve's arms.
—Improvise something —I said and started to pretend I was crying.
—Excuse me —it was a female nurse—. It's everything alright? —she asked.
—She only had a... crying crisis —Steve said. I was still doing my false crying.
—Oh, maybe we should give her some sedative.
—No, no, thank you. I got it under control.
I could hear the door closing, I sat on my bed and started buttoning my blouse. I was afraid to look him in the eyes.
—I should go —he said.
He walked to where I was sitting and kissed me on my forehead, and then he left.
I could see it clearly then. That would never happen again. He wasn't just a guy who I fell in love with, he was my nurse, I couldn't have a serious relationship with my nurse, he could get fired, or worse.
I hated my life again, more than I ever did. I wasn't a normal girl, I was a mental patient. I would never have a normal life, people would never look at me like a normal person. I was condemned. The therapy wasn't working, neither the pills. And the only light in my life, was someone I could not have. On the one hand, I was happy because he felt the same way I did. But on the other, that didn't change anything.
