By the Festival, I was doing better than just sitting… I could walk. Not gracefully, or quickly, but I could manage to get from place to place, as long as the way was flat and the distance was short. I tired quickly, but the efforts were worth the lessening of the lines between Uther's brows and the lightening of Arthas's eyes. I studied myself in the small mirror in my cell. I still looked awful, my eyes the color of bruised violets, my skin much paler than it had been since coming to the Order. I chose one of the gowns that Uther had deemed good enough for festivals, a dark wine wool heavily embroidered around the cuff and hem. It fit badly, I had lost too much weight… but it was lovely. Uther waited without, and it was again odd to see him out of armor. He offered his elbow, and I took it, moving slowly. If my lack of speed bothered Uther, he did not show it. He was a big man, and normally had a big man's stride, but he kept patiently to the pace I set. "You recover well." He stated, and I glanced at him.
"Yes."
"Have you made a decision yet?"
I sighed, looking out over the festival field. So many choices…and so many of them contradictory. Uther would love to see me commit to the Order, fully, take the Oath and go from there. To forget the idea of marrying Arthas, and become his helpmeet, his companion at arms. To let my birthright be enough for me, and rise where I would. "I don't know if I have what it takes to be a paladin." I murmured, and Uther narrowed his eyes.
"And what does it take to be a paladin?" He asked, and I blinked. Why, paladins were just that…paladins. The men who had stood before Lordaeron when the Horde came. Shining examples of the Light and all that my people could aspire to be….
"Uther. I am…too small for that." I knew better than to claim my gender, although the first of the Hand were male, almost half of the current initiates were female. We had stared oblivion in the face before, and Uther did not hold with the idea of not arming and training any who could and would fight for Lordaeron. "Women die like men do, lass. The Horde set no difference between them when they came. Neither should we anymore." He had said it, and it was the truth. The Horde had killed all, men, women, children…animals… in their path, and then burned what remained. Only strength and righteousness had turned them.
"Small." As if to prove my point, he looked down at me. "The Light and strength of a heart overcomes that, Clair. If the gifts of a paladin come to you, then your outward size means little. You believe that size, and doubt, stands in the way. One of our greatest had much doubt in the beginning, but it did not prevent him from shining. It is time, Clarimonde. Make your decisions. If you are well, continue your training. And to continue your training means it is time to commit. Arthas will swear to the Order next month… I would like you to stand beside him then, witness his…and have him witness yours. I would see my wards swornbound, if possible. Let him pursue Jaina, let him court her, even marry her and make her his queen. You… no. Men marry women they do not respect all of the time, but they do not fight beside them."
"I will… pray upon this, Uther." Not even Uther the Lightbringer would be able to rush me into this decision.
"It is not a decision to make lightly." He agreed, and I knew that was the last I'd hear of it that day. He settled me in a bright, sheltered spot with a good view, contentiously seating me and making certain I was warm enough. He sat on the ground beside me, well at ease, willing to let people come find him.
"Uther. I cannot find Clair." Arthas's voice from behind startled me out of an almost doze. "She is not in her room or the infirmary…"
Uther was leaning against the chair I rested in, and he chuckled. "The lass is right beside me, boy. Too fine a day to make her stay in."
