ESCAPE.

Everything yet Nothing : Rose

17 year old ; totally fucked up ; lost ; depressed , name a problem and I've been through it.

I can't even end my life , too many responsibilities. ugh, sometimes i just want an escape from the reality! clique but can't help it.

June 15th , 2016 ; i woke up. time was around 7 in the morning. Everyday when i wake up, there's this feeling i can't actually explain it. Its like this deep guilt and pain in my heart that i'm not living life right and this isn't the place where i was suppose to be.
However, i managed to get myself together to face the world.

I rushed to school while listening silence in the house which quotes the immense vulnerability in the family as my parents sat at the dining table.

On my way, I kept on wandering my mind about how my life would be if I was the Vanessa from the class who always go to amazing trips or Rebecca who sang so beautifully that a music label hired her.

My life consisted of alot of confusions and self doubts but one thing was crystal clear to me, this isn't where I was suppose to be.

At around 5 in the evening my class ended.
I didnt felt like going back home. I decided to wander around the places. Where? I honestly didn't knew but for a while i wanted a break from this suffocating routine.

I kept on walking. When I initiated my seventeenth step ,a tear dripped from my right eyes. soon me eyes cried an ocean.
An ocean of sadness, stress and lost hopes.

I found myself in this place where the sun was setting and the river in front reflected the colors the sun was taking with it.

I sat there. Could'nt stop my mind from wandering into places. DARK places.

Via my prespective ; it seems like I'm living such a tragic life. However, I have everything ~ family, friends, healthy life, etc etc.

I have everything yet nothing.