Dear Natasha

Love Emma x

In a while 

We'll pour water on these ashes 

And these walls will disappear

*****

Dear Natasha,

I know.

Now don't be mad, please don't be mad. Just listen. I pried, I knew there was something up and I knew you were upset by it all. I just put the pieces of the jigsaw together that I had in my grasp and everything else fell into place. Well almost everything, here's all I knew. You two weren't speaking, he wasn't coming over to us even when you weren't here, he was avoiding me, well kinda, the day after you 'fixed it' I went over to him and tried to speak but he had his head down and was keeping short replies. This eventually turned into 2 weeks and it didn't seem right. So we asked him, we asked him what had happened, of which he kept it plain and simple "she came up to me and told me were aren't friends anymore" we left it at that. Until lunch, I had this feeling this sneaky feeling that I knew why, somehow I knew why you had done, what you had done. 

So I told him.

"It's because of me. Does that make sense to you?" soon as I said it, I'm sure I wanted to take it back, I thought it was just because I liked him that you did that but it wasn't and damn that hurt me so much. Not that I thought you would do that without talking me to me first, but because you didn't tell the truth. I want to make it clear it's not the truth that hurt me, it's that you never told me it's not the word that made up the truth. It was the feeling that came with it, the pain, the thought that you couldn't tell me, even though I know how difficult this may be for you to tell me or even yourself and how everything thing that you thought you knew had changed. 

I'm not mad, I'm hurt. This hurt, this pain, this empty pit feeling that comes with it is what is causing me to feel this pain. It first came out as anger I won't lie, but not anger at you but somehow at myself for making it as though you couldn't trust me enough, but after all that left I was left with this empty feeling that won't go away, this pain it's indescribable. 

But I'll you one thing, I don't care about anything other than you. I want you to know that you are the one of the best things that has happened to me because you, Natasha, you are one of the only people that actually seems to give a damn about how I feel, who actually makes me feel wanted and I actually feel comfortable around, well even if you are being cryptic as hell. I know that you many not believe me and tell me that I'm lying or whatever. But I'll tell you what I told you on Monday. You are great, you are so kind, you care about people, you are really nice and so many people care about you.

As to the other thing, I forgive you. You may think you've done something wrong but you haven't. But I forgive you, I forgive you now, I forgive you tomorrow and everyday after that because you are one of my best friends. With friendship comes forgiveness no matter how stupid one gets, unconditional support through the good and the bad, even if the two cross over sometimes. Even in the short tempered moments, even if you haven't spoken in months it doesn't matter because this is what I am here for. As you are the most important thing not some boy that I've only known for a split second, but you and your friendship.

For now and forever

Love, 

Emma x