Yes, I made that up. And yes, I know it’s disturbing. But it’s a very important trick to learn, especially at the beginning of your book!
What do you think about these opening paragraphs?
Hunter’s kitchen had black countertops that seemed perpetually smeared with grease. The floor was yellow linoleum with rust marks from the ancient refrigerator that still smelled like a potpourri of old banana peels, rotten cheese, and piss. A ceiling fan twirled around his head and sucked steam from the tea kettle on the neon coils of an electric stove.
Hunter stooped to his knees. “Sprinkles!” he said and clapped his hands. “Here kitty, kitty!”
The cat came charging into the kitchen. Hunter snatched him up, opened the oven, set the dial to 400 degrees, and tossed the kitten inside.
Ultimately, the action in these paragraphs has the potential to grip a reader’s attention. Unfortunately, it comes too late! Nobody wants to pick up a book and read about a boring kitchen!
Check out the difference. (Be sure to re-read the whole paragraph to get the effect!)
Hunter stooped to his knees. “Sprinkles!” he said and clapped his hands. “Here kitty, kitty!”
The cat came charging into the kitchen. Hunter snatched him up, opened the oven, set the dial to 400 degrees, and tossed the kitten inside.
Hunter’s kitchen had black countertops that seemed perpetually smeared with grease. The floor was yellow linoleum with rust marks from the ancient refrigerator that still smelled like a potpourri of old banana peels, rotten cheese, and piss. A ceiling fan twirled around his head and sucked steam from the tea kettle on the neon coils of an electric stove.
See what happens when the description comes AFTER the action? The scene is suddenly filled with tension because we know there’s a cat in the oven and we desperately want to find out what's going to happen!
If you seem to be lacking votes, check your first paragraph and see if there’s a way to jump into the action sooner.
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