Among the hidden

CHAPTER TWO

There was a law against luke. Not him personally-everyone like him, kids who were born after their parents had already had two babies. Actually, luke didn't know if there was anyone else like him. He wasn't supposed to exist. Maybe he was the only one. They did things to women after they had their second baby, so they wouldn't have anymore. And if there was a mistake, and a woman got pregnant anyway, she was supposed to get rid of it. That's was how mother explained it, years ago, the first and only time luke had asked why he had to hide. He had been six years old. Before that, he had thought only very little kids had to stay out of sight. He had thought, as soon as he was old as Matthew and mark, he would get to go around like they did, riding to the backfield and even into town with dad, hanging their heads and arms out the pickup window. He had thought, as soon as he got as old as Matthew and mark, he could play in front yard and kick the ball out into the road if he wanted. He had thought, as soon as he got as old as Matthew and mark, he could go to school. They complained about it, whining, "jeez, we gotta do homework! "And ,"who cares about spelling?" But they also talked about games and recess, and friends who shared cmady at lunchtime or loaned them pocketknives to carve with. Somehow, luke never got as old as Matthew and mark. The day of his sixth birthday, mother bakes a cake, a special one with raspberry jam dripping down the sides. At supper that night she put six candles on the top and places it in front of luke and said ,"make a wish." Staring into the ring of candles -proud that's the number of his years finally made a ring, all around the cake - luke suddenly remembered another cake, another ring of six candles. Marks . He remembered marks sixth birthday. He remembered it because, even with the cake in front of him, Mark had been whining, "but I wanna have a party. Robert Joe had a party on his birthday. He got to have three friends over." Mother had said, "ssh," and look from Mark to luke, saying something with her eyes that luke didn't understand. Startled by the memory, luke let out his breath. Two of his candles flickered, and one went out. Matthew and mark laughed. "You ain't getting that wish." Mark said. "Baby. Can't even blow out candles." Luke wanted to cry. He'd forgotten even to make a wish, and if he hadn't been surprised he would have been able to blow out all six candles. He knew he could have. And then he would have gotten--oh, he didn't know. A chance to ride to town in the pickup truck. A chance to play in the front yard. A chance to go to school. Instead, all he had was a strange memory that couldn't be right. Surely luke was thinking about mark couldn't have known Robert Joe when he was six, because he would have been hiding then, like luke. Luke thought about it for three days. He trailed along behind his mother as she hung wash out on the line, made strawberry preserves, scrubbed the bathroom floor. Several times he started to ask, "how old do I have to be before people can see me?" But something stopped him every time. Finally, on the fourth day, after dad, matthew, and Mark scraped back their chairs from breakfast table and headed out to the barn, luke crouched by the kitchens side window -- one he wasn't supposed to look out because people driving by might catch a glimpse of his face. He tilted his head to the side and raised up just enough that his left eye was above the level of the windowsill. He watch Matthew and mark running in the sunlight, the tops of their hog boots thumping against their knees. They were in full sight of the whole world, it seemed and  They didn't care. They were racing to the front door of the barn, not the side one off the backyard that like always had to use because it was hidden from the road. Luke turned around and slid to the floor, out of sight. "Matthew and mark never had to hide, did they?" He asked. Mother was scrubbing the remains of scrambled eggs out of the skillet. She turned her head and looked at him carefully "no" she said. "Then why do i?" She dried her hands and left the sink, something luke almost never seen her do if there were still dirty dishes left to be washed. She crouched beside him and smoothed his hair back from his forehead. "Oh lukie, do you really need to know? Isn't it enough to know - things are just different for you?" He thought about that. Mother was always saying he was the only one who would ever sit on her lap and cuddle. She still read bedtime stories to him, and he knew Matthew and mark thought that was sissified. Was that what she ment? But he was just younger. He'd grow up. Wouldn't he be like them then? With unusual stubbornness, luke insisted, "I want to know why I'm different. I want to know why I have to hide." So mother told him. Later, he wished he asked more questions. But at the time it was all he could dobro listen to what she told him. He felt like he was drowning in the flow of her words. "It just happened," she said. "You just happened. And we wanted you. I wouldn't even let your dad talk about getting rid of you."  Luke picture himself as a baby, left in a cardboard box by the side of a road somewhere, the way dad said people used to do kitten's, back when people were allowed tod have pets. But maybe that's what mother ment. "The population law hadn't been around long, then, and I had always wanted lots of kids. Before, I mean. Getting pregnant with you was like - a miracle. I thought the government would get over their foolishness, maybe even by the time you were born, and then I'd have a new baby to show everyone." "But you didn't," luke manages to say. "You hid me." His voice sounded strangely hoarse, like it belonged to someone else. Mother nodded. "Once I started showing, I didn't go anywhere. That wasn't hard to do - where do I go, anyway? I didn't let Matthew and mark leave the farm, for fear they'd say something. I didn't even sat anything about you in letters to my mother and sister. I wasn't really scared then. It was just superstition. I didn't want to brag. I thought I'd go to the hospital to give birth. I wasn't going to keep you secret forever. But then..." "then what?" Luke asked. Mother wouldn't look at him. "Then they started running all that t.v about the population police, how the population police had ways of finding out everything, how they'd do anything to enforce the law." Luke glanced toward the hulking television in the living room. He wasn't allowed to watch it. Was that why? "And your dad started hearing rumors in town, about other babies..." luke shivered. Mother was looking far off into the distance, to where the rows of new corn plants met the horzion. "I always wanted a john, too." She said. "Matthew, mark,luke, and john, bless the bed that I lie on.' But then I thank the Lord that I have you, at least. And it worked out, the hiding, hasn't it?" The smile she offered him was wobbly. He felt he had to help her "yes,"he said and somehow, after that, he didn't mind hiding so much anymore. Who wanted to meet strangers, anyway? Who wanted to go to school, where - if Matthew and mark were to be believed - the teachers yelled, and the other boys would double ~ cross you if you didn't watch out? He was special. He was a secret. He belonged at home - home, where his mother always let him have the first piece of apple pie because he was there and the other boys were away. Home, where he could cradle the new baby pigs in the barn, climb the trees at the edge of the woods, throw snowballs at the posts of the clothesline. Home, where the backyard always beckoned, always safe and protected by the house and the barn and the woods. Until they took the woods away.