Acting Royal #Wattys2017

NEW BOOK- Acting Badly

Hi again, 

I've started a new book and it's called ACTING BADLY. It's not the same characters, but it's a similar-ish concept in a way. 

Anyhoo... I hope you like it, here are the first few chapters to wet your apatite, go on over and give it a read. 

JOX

ACTING BADLY- CHAPTER 1

POPPY-PETUNIA

What the hell was she doing?

She gazed up at the big, shiny building from her old battered car. It towered above her like an intimidating giant made of cold metal and mirror. If she walked in and did what she was about to do, she would be breaking the law!

But what other choice did she have?

Ok, so maybe lying on your CV to get a job wasn't exactly 'breaking the law' per say. Maybe it was just twisting and manipulating it a tiny bit. Not that bad, right? It certainly wasn't the same as hacking up people with a chainsaw and then using their hair to stuff your pillow cases.

No! She shook her head. Lying on a CV about a job you had absolutely no idea how to do it- in real life anyway- was bad. She looked at herself in the rearview mirror and adjusted her short, mousy brown wig and huge, ridiculously unfashionable glasses. Both the wig and the glasses had been props from the last TV show she'd acted in; she'd played the part of "Executive Administrative Assistant to the CEO." So when she'd seen that exact job offered in the job section of the paper two days ago, she'd taken it as a sign. Especially since she had all those pesky credit card debts from that boob job she'd had eight months ago because she'd thought that having bigger boobs might get her more work as an actress.

It had almost worked for a while there too. It had gotten her a job playing Sylvia Gonzales, Executive Administrative Assistant to the CEO of an experimental, secretive government laboratory testing facility, on a terrible Telenovela that had been dubbed into Spanish and had only been screened in Paraguay.

The job had lasted exactly 3 weeks, before her character had been viciously killed off by the evil twin brother of the CEO, who for years had been presumed dead when his private jet had crashed in the Amazonian rain forest. Except he wasn't dead (they never were in these types of shows, were they?) As it turned out, the brother had been taken in by a wild tribe of cannibals, who'd taught him to be very evil and instructed him in the ancient practices of killing people with poisonous darts made from the slimy stuff found on the backs of venomous tree frogs... (Exactly how her character had dramatically died, btw.) A death scene she hoped no one ever saw, due to serious overacting!

She sighed loudly and rolled her eyes! What a pile of crap. Thank God no one in South Africa had ever seen the show, and hopefully, no one ever would. If they did, she would really be putting the last nail in the coffin of her so-called "acting career". But at least she'd scored this wig and glasses from the show, which she was now wearing for the job interview in precisely ten minutes. She wasn't sure why she'd decided to wear the ugly disguise; perhaps it made her feel better about lying. It made it feel more like an audition for a role, than an actual blatant lie to get a job.

She climbed out of the car and adjusted her wildly out-of-fashion dress, also a prop from the show, and headed for the building clutching her CV in her now shaking, sweaty hands.

How hard could it be? All she'd done in the show was answer calls, staple papers together, file stuff, shout things like "Shall I get the head of the army on the phone?" and "Put the facility on emergency, quarantine lock-down" and "there's been a breach in the lab and the rats have mutated" not to mention have sex with her boss (and his evil twin) on their desks. Not that she would be having sex with the CEO, well, she hoped that wasn't part of the job description anyway. In her limited experience, CEO's were always old and uptight and smelt of cognac and cigars and country clubs.