Merry Go Round | Andy Biersack

1 - Desire

The stench of a burning cigarette made my nose wrinkle. The strong fumes awoke my mind and my senses. One by one, I managed to gather my surroundings into one collective image. My whole body stumbled into reality with a slight jolt. The first images to process through my eyes were of a black, rustic bedside table, behind it were rows of unfamiliar band posters. They ranged from KISS to The Misfits—A rocker's dream bedroom, no doubt, but why in the world are they in my room? I pondered.

Memories flooded back from last nights incident. I looked down at my body, I was completely naked, hidden under some of the softest covers I've ever slept in. My heart started to beat faster, then I heard a groan from the other end of the room. "Nice to see you alive," a deep voice called. The call sounded like it appeared out of thin air. I couldn't see a single body anywhere.

Smoke danced its way into the room, my eyes followed it, hoping to reveal the mystery man. And there he was. His silhouette became visible. A dark figure tucked in a dark corner. Small sprinkles of light touched the shadow, unveiling only little. He sat by the window, his bare back facing me.

"I-I'm so sorr-" I was cut off by a vile voice.

"Get out." He was stern. He wasn't in the slightest mood to play around. Last nights hooligans were copped by this sinister outline. He must have remembered last night—a night filled with pleasure and regret the next day. Not once did he look at me, his gaze stared straight into the outdoors.

Shocked with his sudden lash-out. I jumped out of bed, throwing on my clothes, while keeping my feet planted to the ground as I tried not to topple over. The door awaited me, calling to me, watching me make a fool of myself as I dashed towards it. I reached for my phone in my back pocket and panic settled in when nothing was there. The glint of a blinding starburst hit my eyes, there was my phone, sitting on his bedside table, a few feet away from the inhabited window. My first instinct was to go back and retrieve it, but the man beat me to it. Before I could decipher what was going on, his hands wrapped themselves around my neck.

"I said leave," his eyes bore deep into mine and his dark, dark eyes brought me to tears. His forceful grip kept me from running away from the treacherous predator. He let me breath, but swiftly changed his position. One hand held me by the brim of my sweater and the other gripped onto my wrist. I winced in pain, blue and purple encircled my wrists, leaving dents into my pale skin. His dark hair and clothing contrasted with my ghostly complexion, but for a moment I thought I saw a switch, a ticking bomb behind his eyes... full black, like the empty space the universe was trapped in.

"Why aren't you trembling!" He yelled at me. "You're crying, but you're not deathly afraid of me!" anger was engraved into his voice, but he was more confused than frustrated. What was he talking about? I was scared, but I wasn't deathly afraid.

He pulled me up higher using the brim of my sweater, he kept his constant stare before he let go. My breathing hitched and I managed to get up and out of his RV, completely forgetting about my phone. As I closed the door, A loud crash rumbled from inside. All I could picture was his tall and lean body hunched over his bedside table, smashing photo frames, books, and the nightstand with his large hands and tattooed arms. I didn't hesitate to run as far as I could.

—

"What the fuck, Bella" Emily opened her door. It's not usual finding your best friend standing outside of your front door shivering in the December cold, with tear stains at the edge of her eyes.

Up the stairs we went, Emily guided my way up to her room, where I warmed myself up in her blue duvet. "Are you okay? What happened to your sweater?" She asked, holding a cup of steamy hot chocolate in one hand, offering the mug to me. I gladly accepted it.

"The party," I told her blatantly hoping she would catch on to the drift. There was party at an apartment complex near a university. I wasn't exactly invited but they held the door open for late night partiers.

"I've warned you about those parties. Not to mention: stranger danger!" She crossed her arms over her chest. Her lips parted in a straight line, she wasn't pleased with my decisions at all.

"Look, I didn't know I was going to end up that drunk." Although deep down I did want to get myself wasted, just for the night.

"That's what you always say, Bella, you need help." She took the hot chocolate away from me and I frowned. That was the only thing keeping me warm besides the messed up sweater I was wearing.

"Hey, I wasn't done with that." I tried snatching it back, but she was too fast.

"You'll get it back once you agree with me," she said. I rolled my eyes and laid against her bedroom wall.

"No. I don't need it. I don't need any of their pity and their 'idea of trying to help people' it's all bullshit! I get drunk for one night and you're already betraying me?!" There was a small stab to my heart. Besides, it was my decision to get drunk and it will be my decision to get help or not.

"I'm not betraying you and I'm not talking about the drinking," she brought me an extra blanket and wrapped it around me. I stayed silent and looked out the window, regretting my life decisions.

"Do you want to talk about it? about last night?" She knew I was getting pissed off, so she spoke in a softer tone.

"No."

"Come on, you look really shaken up, it'll make you feel better." She handed me back my hot chocolate and I sighed in defeat. Damn, chocolate would be the end of me.

I took myself back to last night. I wouldn't say I regretted it, but I wouldn't say I enjoyed it either. "Honestly, the party was pretty lame. People were dancing, like usual; people were grinding on each other, like usual; I was sitting at the counter, as usual." I started. "Ya' know I take a shot here and there and soon enough got drunk. I don't know, you know me, I don't like getting dead drunk, especially at parties, but that night..." I sighed. "It was different. I just felt... numb."

I heard Emily shift her position. "Why?" She asked.

"I don't know. The energy in there was numbing. It was like someone was draining me dead." As soon as those words left my mouth, I knew I was sounding insane.

"Draining you dead?" Emily questioned, "That's really odd." She tapped a finger on her chin, she was thinking way too deeply about this.

"I know, crazy right? But this one guy kept eyeing me. I just ignored him, the next thing you know he's sitting right next to me, with his brown eyes and blond hair."

"Jayden?" She mentioned the jock that lived a couple blocks down Emily's street, who she had a small crush on.

"No! No, it was not him at all, I've never seen this guy before. He gave me a dark vibe, it was really strange. He offered to take me home, go out and what not, but another guy butted in. I-I don't remember his name, but the blond dude backed up and left when he saw the other guy—I'm going to call the other guy... um... tattoos. He had a lot of tattoos" I added. "Well, Tattoos was tall yet skinny, he had black hair and pretty blue eyes." I fantasized over his features but remembered what happened this morning. "He was a real sweat guy. He offered to dance with me, but just like blondy, he gave off a dark vibe, but it wasn't as dark. We talked hours and hours, just the two of us. After that, it was all a blur, I just remember being in his arms and getting into his car. And when I woke up this morning, he was different..."

—

His lips were against my bare skin as he kissed and sucked my neck. I gripped his dark black hair, my fingers going down his back. My nails clawed at him, holding him close, wanting him. "You're body is gorgeous," he whispered in my ear. His hands roamed around my naked body, drawing small circles that engraved goosebumps into my skin.

He pinned my hands above my head and kissed from my neck down to my chest. They were as soft as the snowflakes landing on skin during the cold winter, but his kiss would have melted them in an instant. The heat only radiated more, the friction between us heightened.

I moaned in pleasure by his soft yet rough touch. "You're gonna be mine tonight, darling," He grunted. "My feast too," whispering the end; he probably thought I didn't hear, I did hear, but it bypassed right through my ear. I was just so consumed by this desirable feeling.