The Polaroids

Part 4

Oh, she don't see the light that's shining

Deeper than the eyes can find it

Maybe we have made her blind

So she tries to cover up her pain and cut her woes away

Cause cover girls don't cry after their face is made

I ran all the way to the park and sat on a bench, watching children running around with their parents keeping a beady eye on them. I sit there thinking, what if I just dissapeared? Would anyone care? I laugh, no one cared, and I was crazy to think anyone did. I kept walking down the path of the park and eventually I ended up at the pathway of the woods. I look back the happy bright park and then at the dark windy path of the wood, I take one last glance then start walking. It got darker and darker. I realized the more time I had to myself the more time I had to think, this time it was about the hunger I had, oh right I hadn't eaten in ages, oh well, beauty was pain, no pain no gain, right? I always hated the way I look, I was too wide at the hips and shoulders, my thighs were hideous and I just look like a wreck, Of course I was reminded of that every single day, every time I walked down the hallway there would be snickers and laughing. I hated myself and everyone hated me. I kept walking but then a thought came into my head, he said I was beautiful and he would never lie to me... right? Too many questions pondered in my mind, by the time I looked back up I was already out of the woods, I walked back home, confident that I was beautiful but you never really can sow away a seed of doubt. I got back home and both my parents were out so they weren't some, I went straight to my laptop scrolling through my feeds, I check a recent photo I took, it was of me on the beach in a bikini, I didn't think it was too revealing but apparently some people didn't agree, I was comment like "slut", "geez I think a whale got stranded", "I hate people like her thinking they look good in barely nothing", I felt my heart clinch, did I really look that bad? I look back the photo, at the time it looked really good now it looked out of place, what they said was true I was a slut, I was like a stranded whale and I look disgusting.I looked at the photo of the model on the front magazine, I wish I could be as skinny, as beautiful as her but I wasn't, I was just ugly. I ran to the bathroom, and stood there standing looking at myself. I was disgusting, then I started to wonder, what if I just ended all the pain and the suffering? Relief sounded better than anything at the moment, I noticed my legs need a shave, I got the razor out and started, it was gliding so smoothly until it slid and cut my leg, blood oozed out, surely it should've felt bad but it felt so good, it felt like relief. I took the blade out and examined it, just thin enough to cut but not thick enough to kill, perfect, somewhere in the process of all this thinking I accidentally dropped the blade and it slit my wrist. Blood started to run out at a rapid speed, I sat there thinking, I could rest, my eyelids were heavy and started to close, the last thing I was a pool of blood. To me it looked beautiful, then I went out like a light.