Until The End ; Markjin (HIATUS)

Chapter 10

"I told you not to touch me!" Youngjae practically screamed at Jaebum who followed him into the staff room. Jaebum tightened his grip around Youngjae's wrist. Youngjae moves his arm frantically. "It hurts! Stop, Jaebum!"

Jaebum lets go. Youngjae snatching his wrist away and backing away from Jaebum. He rubs his wrist which was red from the grip Jaebum had. "I'm sorry." Jaebum incoherently mumbled.

"Why would you do that? I'm at work!" Youngjae yelled. "Why do you barge into everything in my life?! You've done enough don't you think?"

"I'm sorry." Jaebum says again.

"Are you? Are you really? After everything you've done, you think a sorry will cut it?!" Youngjae yells. "I've tried with you Jaebum! Nothing was good enough! Nothing." Youngjae's voice cracked. "Do you think a sorry will really help?"

"Iㅡ"

"Shut up!" Jaebum closed his mouth. He felt like a kid being scolded by their mother. But instead he was older, and by someone he really cared about. "Just.. shut up." Youngjae broke out in tears. Jaebum stood his ground. Looking at the crying boy in front him. He wanted to hug him, kiss him until he felt better. Make him smile and be happier than he is right now. Because Jaebum knows he messed up. No, he completely fucked up.

Jaebum stood quietly, watching the boy weep away in front of him. He hated himself for leaving Youngjae the way he did. He hated himself for letting himself hurt Youngjae in the way he did.

"Why did you have to do it with them Jaebum!"  Youngjae screamed through his sobs. He started fell to his knees. "Why.." Jaebum moved to catch him before he hit the ground. Slowly bringing them down together. Jaebum wrapped his arms around Youngjae as the boy sobbed into his jacket.

"It's all your fault Jaebum!" Youngjae hit his chest. "I hate you. I hate you so much." Jaebum ran his fingers through the younger's hair, shushing him ask he yelled at Jaebum for the things he's done, but yet still let the older hold him the way he was. This whole situation was shit to begin with. It was his fault that they were in that position in the first place. Youngjae wouldn't have hated him if he didn't do what he did. And of course he regrets it. God, he hasn't prayed ever before until he met Youngjae. Jaebum didn't understand the feeling Youngjae gave him. He was sweaty all the time, and he worried that he looked bad whenever they were together. He felt nervous, and his attention wad called every time he heard Youngjae's name. Every time he saw the boy his heart would pick up, and tease him with it's loud beating.

For the most part, he loved the feeling of being happy with Youngjae. The other half of him, hated it. More specifically how happy he always was. He smiled, always. The younger never failed to make Jaebum smile, but it made him question why he was like that. Why he was so focused on keeping everyone around him happy, but never cared about his own feelings. Even if it tore him apart, if Jaebum needed emotional support, he'd ride his damn bike and zero below just to help.

He knew that Youngjae wasn't all smiles, giggles, and unicorns all the timeㅡ this time would be an example. He always questioned how he kept his happy demeanor. How he was prim and proper and so many people loved him. He also questioned how so many people ignored how the younger felt.

He wondered how he managed being happy all the time. How he can comfort others and manage to mask his own feelings.

With that privilege to see his best, Jaebum has seen his worst. Youngjae is happy on the outside, but Jaebum really knows better. Even if Jaebum messed up. And he knows he did. He promises to fix himself, even if it means letting Youngjae go. He knew it would take going through hell for Youngjae to forgive him. But if it means walking through fire to see the sun shine one last time. He'd do it.