Simanda one shots

There is the door

Why do I long to be with somebody I'll never be with? Why do I torture myself with everything I do? I love him, there is no point in arguing about that. He doesn't love me, there is no point in arguing about that either. So why do I still care so much?

Shouldn't I be over him? Shouldn't I be searching for somebody who can love me the way I want to be loved? Simon is married and has a son. He would never risk that for... me. It's just that I love him so damn much.

I can't let him go but I can't ask for him to love me either. I am in one of this situations where you think everything is senseless. "So what do you think, Amanda?" Simon says and I snap back into reality. Shit. I have been day dreaming and everybody expects me to say something about the audition but I didn't even see what they did...

"It was lovely. I thought you were great. I really liked what youd did," I say and smile even though I am insecure as hell. "So it's a yes from you?" Simon asks and I nod my head. He looks at me with those eyes and I am melted away.

I could get lost in his eyes. They leave the stage and Simon whispers into my ear, "So now tell me what the hell is going on. They were complete garbage and everybody could see it but you. So what the hell were you  thinking?"

I get nervous and just say, "I am sorry. I was distracted. I couldn't concentrate and didn't know what to say so I said what I normally say." He rolls his eyes and I sigh. Why do I always make him angry? Was there even one time where he didn't roll his eyes at me?

No, he always has something to complain about. Every audition, every live show and even every meeting he always finds something to bitch about. I am just not good enough for his standards. He is used to better. But I am sick and tired of it.

I work my ass off for him and do everything I can and more and he doesn't appreaciates it one bit. No, he even has the guts to complain about everything I do. From my decision to my choice of outfit. Who does he think he is? Maybe god? Well he surely acts like that...

I turn to face him and say, "If you don't like it than get somebody else to do my job..." He looks at me for a second, shock written all over his face, but shock quickly changes into anger. I have never spoken to him like this before but it feels damn good!

"Maybe I should," he says coldly and I stand up and go. I hear him yell after me but I don't turn around. He is a... a...  a son of a bitch, that's what he is! He thinks he can talk to me like that and then expect me to act like normal. He is way too confident about his effect on me.

He can't control me... Well not anymore. I am done. I can't stand being treated like shit from the one person I truly love. I storm into my dressing room and ignore the crew members on my way there.

I won't go back out on stage tonight. He can see where he can find a replacement now. I take my things and don't even bother to change. I storm out of the studio and step into my car, almost ripping the damn dress. I swear and brush off the dirt before I speed down the street towards my safety place... home.

...

Two months have passed and Simon hasn't contacted me since. I got my manager to get my things from the studio and quit my contract. I kind of regret it since BGT is my life but it feels good to show Simon how independet I am.

The press is talking about our fight non stop but none of these magazines know the actual reason for my sudden exit. They are all just guessing and gossiping. Alesha and David tried to get me to come back but I won't. I will take some time off and find me a handsome guy in Spain or Italy.

Well probably no, but I'll go on vacation anyways... I turn on the tv and a new episode of BGT shows. I look at the jury. Simon got Cheryl to join them and I have read that less and less people watch the show. I understand why.

Cheryl makes terrible jokes, sorry but not sorry. I still wait for Simon's apology but I think he'd rather die than to apologise for his choice of words. Who am I kidding? He probably already forgot about me by now...

I am just the pain in the ass for him and he doesn't need people who annoy him. I stand up and walk into my kitchen, deciding I want some ice cream. I open my fridge and pull it out. Just as I am about to close the fridge I hear the doorbell ring. 

I just wear panties and a baggy shirt, what doesn't completly cover my butt but who minds? It's probably just one of my neighbours and they have seen my in bikini before. My hair is in a messy bun and I have black mascara stains under my eyes because I might have been crying.

The someone infront of the door rings again and I yell, "Calm down! I am just human. I'll be right there! For the sake of god stop ringing!" The ringing doesn't stop and I yank the door open, staring at non other then Simon Cowell angrily.

"What don't you understand when I say stop ringing?" I ask him and he eyes me up and down. "Lovely..." he says and I roll my eyes. "What do you want?" I ask and he waits for me to ask him in. I am still pissed at him but I step aside and ask overdramatically, "Does Sir Cowell want to come in or do I need to roll out a red carpet for your majesty?"

He rolls his eyes and comes in. He follows me into my living room and I let myself fall onto the couch, shoving ice cream into my mouth. "You watch BGT?" he asks and I nod. "A bit obvious isn't it?" I ask and he rolls his eyes again.

I hate when he does that. He sits down next to me and asks "What do you think about Cheryl?" I look at him and laugh. "If you came to talk to me about Cheryl you know where the door is..." I say and turn my attention back to the tv.

"Come on don't be like that..." he says and I roll my eyes. "Like what?" I ask and he sighs. "I don't want to fight with you, Amanda... We have been friends for ten years," he says and I laugh. "You call that friendship? You critizies everything I do. Every little step I take is judged by you and I am sick of it! Who calls their friends a slut?" I ask and he stares at the ground.

"Look I am sorry for what I said and I hope you can forgive me," he says and I laugh. "You can shove your crappy apology up your ass because I don't want it," I say and he sighs. "What do you want me to do Amanda?" he asks and I stare at him.

"Go," I say and fake smile. "You can't be serious. You really want to throw what we have away because I was a bit mean?" he asks and I death stare at him. "A little bit mean? You fucking asshole treated me like shit for over a year. I did everything for you. I even went shopping for you! You fucking idiot took me wedding ring shopping with you even though every blind person could clearly see that I fucking love you!" I yell and he looks at me surprised.

"You what?" he asks and I laugh. "You heard right. I fucking love you and now there is the door," I say and point to the door. "But Amanda-" he says but I cut him off. "No buts... There is the door Simon. It's over," I say....

----

So we have a little big problem. I run out of one shots. I have like ten left. Should I try to stretch them over the coming months or post them all now but after that will come nothing until she wakes up again?