Mean to Me | Im Youngmin

Mean - 6 (Ji-hye's Heart)

Ji-hye luckily wakes up on her stop.

It is a peaceful afternoon, and she is beyond thankful that today falls on a Sunday this year because she has all the time in the world to spend it here.

If it weren't for the group project meeting, she would have made her way here as soon as she woke up. If Im Youngmin weren't her groupmate, she would not even bother to show up at that meeting at all.

Realizing that she's thinking of him again, she shakes her head. "Not today, not today," she reminds herself.

While admiring the bright sky above her and feeling the gentle breeze envelop her, she makes her way to her destination.

A few minutes of walking later, she reaches her happy place.

She carefully lays down the sunflowers she brought with her, and after that, she kneels.

"Hey, Jisoo."

Ji-hye smiles and waves her hand to greet Jisoo.

"I've missed you so much."

Ji-hye remains silent for a moment as she stares into the cold, hard concrete that bears Jisoo's name, her date of birth and death, and her epitaph.

"I brought your favorite flowers today!" she exclaims as she raises the sunflowers before gently placing them down again. "I'm sorry I haven't visited for a while because a lot has come up at home and in school and honestly, everything's so overwhelming right now."

She stops for a while and traces the inscription on the tombstone with her fingers. "Always keep shining," it read. Everytime Ji-hye comes here, she always does this because it helps her somehow feel connected to Jisoo.

"How do I start? All the stories have piled up so much that I don't know how to begin."

She changes to an indian sitting position before proceeding.

"Ah! I know," Ji-hye raises her finger as if Jisoo could actually see it.

"Well, for starters, school sucks." She then proceeds to tell her about the insane amount of schoolwork these days, the terrible school lunches, even the badmouthing she received from a few classmates the other day. She remembers a red-haired someone but hesitates to talk about him for a while, not knowing exactly what to say.

"Ah, and there's this boy," she reports. "But it's not what you think!" Ji-hye quickly remarks as if she was teased about her prior statement. "There's no way I like him!" She adds. "He's so mean and rude, and I don't even know why he's like that to me, and take note, only to me. To everyone else, he's an angel," then she scoffs.

"If only you met him, you'd probably think he's handsome, he's kind, he's bright and all that," she then rolls her eyes. "But in reality, he's just a big, fucking jerk!" Ji-hye breathes a sigh of relief. "Ah, feels so good to finally let that out."

"Anyway, why am I talking about him right now? Let's move on," and she brushes Youngmin away from her thoughts.

A minute or so of silence ensues before she starts talking again.

"Oh! Dad remarried a few months ago." She sighs before she continues, "I know, right?"

The mere mention of her own father irks Ji-hye so much.

"Err... At least, he married someone his age?" she tries desperately to make the atmosphere lighter. At least for herself.

"I would have seriously ran away from home and would rather live on the streets if he married someone young enough to be my older sister!" She laughs half-heartedly as she feels that she is about to start tearing up soon.

"Anyway, the woman is very nice. Her child -- yes, you heard me right, the woman Dad married has a daughter -- is very kind and gentle, too," she trails off.

"But really, how can I bring myself to like them when they suddenly come barging into my life like that?"

She lowers her gaze as guilt embraces her. She suddenly falls silent for a while.

"Can you blame me, though? How can I love them as my mom and sister, when I didn't even have the chance to meet my real mom and sister?"

Ji-hye feels her eyes water, but she bites her lip hard to stop herself from crying.

"I tried so hard, Jisoo. I tried so hard to be nice, believe me... But every single day that I see them, I am only reminded of how I never even got to see your face and how Mom just disappeared on you and me just like that."

A teardrop falls, but she is quick to wipe it away.

"Everytime I see Dad with them, I get so mad that I swear, everything turns red!" She tries to joke but fails miserably.

"Dad deprived me of a life with you and Mom, and here he is now, shoving a new mom and a new sister to me?" She balls her fists. "How can he easily move on like that?"

"It's only been exactly three years since I found out about you and Mom, and it's only been three years since I lost both of you, as well," she stops to wipe her tears away. "But he expects me to pretend that we are now a happy family with his new wife and step daughter? Is he crazy or what?"

By now, Ji-hye is both lonely and angry.

And the skies, without any warning, start to act that way, too.

"I honestly can never forgive him for only telling me about you and mom the day grandma called to tell that you passed away and that mom left for another country after."

It started as a drizzle, but within a few seconds, it transitioned to a full-on rainstorm. But Ji-hye remains unbothered on her spot.

"My deepest regret in life is never getting to know you... Aside from stories, that is," she continues despite the sudden heavy downpour. "I've never even seen your face up close, but I bet you're much, much beautiful in real life than in all those photos grandma gave me."

By now, she is soaking wet but she is unfazed at all. She doesn't even feel cold.

"Judging by those pictures, I don't understand how we are identical twins," she chuckles despite the tears streaming down her face. The raindrops washed them away, anyway.

"I just really miss you everyday, you know," she continues. "It's amazing, right? I didn't even know you personally, I hadn't even seen you in real life, but I feel so empty, so hollow."

Her vision is starting to blur, and Ji-hye is not sure if it's because of the tears or the rain, but it honestly feels like it's due to both.

"It's like a part of me died with you."

Ji-hye remains motionless while sobbing so hard for a good five minutes before she says goodbye to her twin sister.

"Thank God it rained so hard that no one else came today. Nobody should ever see how much of a fucking mess I really am," she thinks to herself as she stands up and walks away in the rain.

Little did she know that someone has been standing behind a nearby tree all this time and has heard everything she said.