Another short story...
The Rebel
Mum I'm missing you. I'm safe - not out partying with strangers, not living in wild dumps. But you should have seen it coming - the way he acted, the things he said to me and all you could do was sit on the stairs and cry!
The way he looked at me was awful; don't you know what that felt like and with you taking his side over everything because you were so scared that he will leave you? How pathetic! The way you looked at him with love in your eyes, like you adored him, where as he looked at you like you were no one special. How can you live like that?
I had to leave mum, you knew that didn't you? I know I'm only fifteen but I couldn't take it. Yes, so I came in at three in the morning totally out of my head, having no idea where I was and who I was, wasn't a good idea but did you actually think why I did it?
The words he called me, no daughter should ever have to hear her dad use in her lifetime. So what if gave him a taste of his own medicine and the disgusted look on your face broke my heart. But you would say the same things after he called me a "spiteful cow, ungrateful" and worse that I can't even repeat.
I do regret it. I regret leaving home. I regret leaving school. I regret wrecking my future! One that I had a chance of having. But even back then not one of you took a bit of interest in my plans for the future. Do you actually know what I want to be when I older? Well, for your information, I wanted to go to college, and then have a gap year to see the world and its colourful places, and then I wanted to live like a university student enjoying life and getting a degree. But now I can't... because of him.
Did he ever love me? I have always wonder that, even when I was a little girl I remember going to school and hearing what my best friends dad got her the day before and then me thinking my dad doesn't even give me a hug before bed. And the times I got the lead in the school play and I brought 2 front row tickets and I only saw you mum and a empty seat so I guess it was a ticking bomb with me and dad. Any minute we could of have blown.
Do you know how I'm feeling right now? I am feeling so many emotions that I didn't know I could feel. I feel scare and lonely, I also feel stupid and heartbroken and do you know the worst thing is? Whatever I do, nothing will cheer me up, not even my version of your"Yummy tummy mocha locha hot chocolate" I see you in my dreams me and you together on my white double bed with those curtains you bought me, we cuddle up together like we did when I was younger and you made me pretend we were grizzly bears which then turn into a tickle fight ... I miss that. Then there's the nightmare. Where the whole argument thing replays again and again, where my mind keeps rewinding over your disgusted look on your face and the venomous words my dad use and I wake up crying until my pillow is like a wet dishcloth.
I am safe you know. I am staying at a friend's house, none you know, one I met at a party. I am living in her mum's spare bedroom. It's a bit girlie for me; pink and purple but it will do until I save up enough money. Her mum cooks me meals and does everyday mum things for only five pounds rent. At the moment she is cooking some sort of pasta, I can hear her with the pots and pans. Outside my window there are two boys playing football and they really can't play. I've got a job as a paper girl, well actually I got three of them which comes to 30 pounds a day so it helps me keep it going until I 16 and can get a proper job. I need to get this clear with you I'm not coming home... never. Yes one reason is because I am stubborn but the other reasons are more deep then that. I'm hurt and I wouldn't be able to face my dad ever again. But I do want to see you mum if you want to see me.
I know that I haven't contacted you in anyway but I couldn't, I can't even be bother to turn on my mobile phone to see how many messages I got. I guess I could be smitten with grief about all of it.
It is funny how things were going right when everything suddenly becomes very wrong. Like I was getting grades A's and B's and I did one thing wrong, ok so I did more than one thing wrong and its all gone down the pot.
Mum I do love you; I love you lots and lots.
I'm letting go
Miss you and love you
I will contact you soon with meeting up.
Bye
