just one day || jikook

하루만

every time i see you with him, i remember how hopeless i am. 

you're always so happy with him, always smiling and kissing and just... happy. 

i don't remember the last time i experienced that kind of happiness, all i remember is the heartbreak you cause me every time someone mentions you, or every time i look at our selcas on my phone.

all i remember is that one day that i confessed to you, but you told me that you were already dating taehyung. 

i didn't know a heart could break so easily after 8 years of loving you. 

you didn't know about all of my sleepless nights, all the mistakes i made were because i just couldn't handle seeing you in my thoughts, in person, right next to me... 

you were everywhere in my life. 

no, scratch that. you were my life. 

i loved you with everything i had. and you just... broke me. just like that. 

with a simple "i'm sorry, hyung. i like taehyung." 

and i felt my heart shatter as i lost my purpose to live. 

yes, jungkook, you were my reason to live. 

i'm dying, jungkook-ah. you don't know this, neither does taehyung. but everyone else does, our managers, our hyungs, even your parents and mine. 

i only have until tomorrow.

this is why im here 8 months after i confessed to you, in my hospital room, hooked up to 5 different machines that are still keeping me alive for now. but tomorrow, as per my request, they're taking the machines out of me. 

and i'm going to die, jungkook-ah. 

i've endured 8 years of suffering because of this disease.

it's 3 am right now, and i'm scheduled to die at 12 noon. that's in 9 hours. 

of course, you won't see this until after im gone. 

i don't see another reason for me to keep on living, jungkook-ah. 

you were my reason to live. you were the reason why i was taking medications and therapy in order to prolong my life. but... you're happy now. you barely even notice me. tae doesn't even notice me anymore either. 

but it's okay, jungkook-ah. i understand. i know. you don't need me anymore. 

now that i think about it, i don't think you ever did. 

im sorry i wasted your time, jungkook-ah. but i wished for so long... that i could have even just one day... just one... to hold you tight and be with you. 

but it's too late for that now, isn't it? 

i don't mean to send you on a guilt trip, but you're happy. 

and you'll be even happier without ever seeing me again. 

if only i had just one day to be with you, jungkook-ah. 

 

i love you, jungkook-ah. 

-jimin hyung