Hi, I'm Jay... I can say that my life is already perfect. We are not rich but I can buy whatever I want using the money that I had saved from my allowance when it is school days. I have a lot of friends. They are funny people. I can hang out with them anytime I want as long as I would be using the money I saved. I can shop with them; buy different accessories such as watches, bracelets, different clothes and shoes that would appear pleasant to my eyes. I can eat anytime I wanted, chit chat with my friends and laugh all day with them.
My parents are very supportive of me. My father and I may not be frequently talking at home but I know that he always wanted the best for me. Mom is great. She is like a sister to us who would mostly talk all the time. Even the gossip that she heard from our neighbors, she would also tell us. I know that was just how she wanted to tell us that she's always there for us. We live a simple life although we own a land and a home to live in. We do not lack of something.
I can say that I am a very fortunate (not lucky) child because of everything that we have. I am comfortable in our house even if our tenants' say that it is small and it does not appear beautiful as the house that they are living in. They we're always shocked with the is-this-really-your-house-look that they show with us everytime they are going to pay for the house. Our house seemed nice even if it is small, besides we are just a small family.
Our house has two rooms, one for my parents and my little bro and one for me and my sister. Oh, deduct dad from the people sleeping in the other room because he sleeps outside the bedroom. In simple words, he sleeps at the living room. I love our house. It is where I felt safety and home really.
Everything is given to me: my allowance which dad permitted to have a 1% increase and covers all my food, expenses at school like photocopied papers and transportation expense back and forth. I wonder when will I have my own car or when will dad give me a car so that I would not have a transportation expense but a gasoline expense.
I am a second year student turning third year this next semester but I have summer so I won't have a vacation but a few nights of sleeping late and few days of waking up by 9 am which I would love also because I can have a lot of chit chatting time with my friends or eating a lot of food at school than thinking about what to do with long hours of doing nothing and looking at Facebook waiting for somebody to say 'Hi' and I to say 'Hello'.
My grades and standing at school says that I am very industrious. I can immediately finish an assignment that was assigned by my profs today and pass it tomorrow. I can top my quizzes and ace my exams. On the other hand, our messy room says that I am very lazy at home.
I know my priorities and I know where I can excel. I know my abilities and I know my weakness. I live a quiet and simple life until this person came in. He changed me and I know I became a better person. I said that 'I'm going to try if it will work' so did I. Weeks and days passed by, we are still happy. I may not be comfortable with his companion but I know I can practice myself not to stutter everytime he's in front of me or fly a bee when we are both not talking inside his car. I am ready to give all the things that I had not even thinking if there is still something that was left for me. I don't ask him to promise to return back what I had given simply because I am nervous. We are not in the same time zones. Although at the very start, I know. I really know what is going to happen but I let things go and made it flow.
I'm an idiot, I know. I pretend that things are going smoothly like I always wanted. But it never did. He never was. But I keep on attaching myself to him, hoping that one of the days when I'm with him, he will think of how much I would not let him carry all the burdens and problem he's into. He knows because I always show.
What has happened to me. How could a single man affect my life so much that it had free my tears everytime I would be thinking of him, of what we were really all about. I let things go and made it flow. It lasted for nine months, nine months of not knowing what our real state is. I could not let myself be fooled. He has no girl other than me. There was never really a party thirdly. He explained. "I could not give your demands as a girlfriend to me." I never asked anything from him, not any material things but time that can be so few and a little touch of attention. I'm not selfish. I know his priorities and I'm never one of them. I know. I am never one of them. I don't want to waste my time believing that he will be changing because I already wasted it believing that he had somehow loved me.
I've devoted all my time and effort just to please him so that he might think that I am really sincere to give his demands. I'm tired. What had I done wrong. I just loved a person. A person I know would not really give back that love. Yeah that was wrong. But it felt good. Although I know it is unreal. I'm stupid. So stupid for letting him run my world. I've been blind. I'm hurt but I don't mind. I'm such an idiot.
Now I have to raise myself up. I cried a thousand tears. I just wet my bedsheet cover. No more pretending. I've had enough. It's time to move on. Forget about the mistakes and try to correct them. I said that 'I'll try and if things won't work out, I will give it a halt' and it turned that it didn't work out so I'll give this a halt. I have a million reasons to smile. I have a life to take good care of.
I loved.
I lost.
I learned.
