My Public Diary?

July 4, 2017

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SELF HARM, AND RAPE MENTIONED CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN WILL
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A few days ago my mom got a call from the DA's office to inform her that Johnny (my disgusting "dad") was going to be called to court about the case with my sister and cousin.

Life was pretty good before that call, my emotions were slightly getting better I was okay, I hung out with my sisters tried to get closer to my step dad and just enjoy life with out my sperm donor. I don't want to call him dad or even father , I would call a dead beat dad, dad . Johnny raped my sister and molested my cousin he helped create me that's it.

Obviously I'm trying to contain myself from letting my anger take control and finding him and attacking him, or something.
My mind has felt like it's filled like it wants to bust, I feel like I'm just so tired I wish I was just normal. I still can't identify a specific reason why I get sad out of no where, I want him to just erase from our life's FOREVER.

Anyway, he was arrested a few days later at his work charged with indecency of a child under 10 and raping a child. It felt so good to hear that except his dumb ass mom (yes his side was my family but they are sick and twisted to so yes dumb ass grandma) bailed him out 75,000$ .

Not only am I freaking SCARED he's out I'm SUPER PIST because how can that wicked lady know the charges of her son raping and molesting children ESPECIALLY HIS OWN CHILD AND NIECE and STILL BAIL HIM OUT ?! A SICK WICKED EVIL person that's who.

I feel so bad for my sister cause I think I've managed to live my life minus 1 occasion where I took a knife to my heart at a young age cause I couldn't take it anymore and she THE sister I couldn't protect the sister that got raped caught me and told me to stop, that sisters offender just walks away from jail like what he did was okay.

My sister tried to end her life with pills because of him, she was taking so long in the restroom yeah sometimes people have stomach issues but I just knew something wasn't right.
I started hitting the door calling her name and hearing nothing the door was locked and I was getting super scared. She hadn't showed any signs of depression but I knew in my gut something was happening with her in the restroom.
My step dad broke the door open after hearing me panic and I saw my baby sister on the floor with a pill bottle In her hand mostly empty.
I yelled her name and my mom and sisters ran to see what happened.

she looked so emotionless looking straight ahead, a bit of white foam starting to show in the mouth. I couldn't believe it I felt so sad and angry. I froze looking at her look like her soul was leaving her body.

My step dad pushed passed me where I stayed feet firmly in place an inch in the restroom. He squatted down in front of her and put two fingers down her throat where she eventually threw up everywhere even on his hands all the pills she took, she snapped out of it and just started crying I started crying I ran out feeling so angry that scum bag did that to her.

I ran out the bathroom and I felt my self blacking out like anger was person inside me pushing me aside and taking over. I could barley control my self as I started throwing everything around, I'm pretty sure I scared my little sisters, I threw everything around in site. I wanted to stop so I didn't scare my sisters but I didn't have enough control.

Instead I ran out of our house, I wanted to run out in the road run anywhere, some where but i stayed in our yard my anger turned to tears and I went behind our van and cried I cried so much not for me but for my sister, for my family seeing this side of her , she must feel so embarrassed, so hurt, so disgusted with what Johnny did to her.

My neighbor across the street was outside he was somewhat like family but we drifted apart, he looked for a sec but I was hidden he didn't know what was happening and left. I wanted someone to hold me tight, to calm me down, help me back to being strong to my sisters that needed me.

Johnny did that to my sister and he wants to say he loves her, what do you love you sick fuck raping her? Or do you love the fact that you had access to her whenever you wanted and you can threaten her to make sure she doesn't talk?!

I'm so disgusted that i am apart of his DNA , that I'm the kin of a monster that not ONLY cheated, and abused my mom BUT ALSO raped his daughter, and molest his niece.

The niece he molested hates my moms guts because my mom never left him when first my cousins dumb ass mom never told my mom what happened only the rest of the family making us look like idiots for staying with him. Second when my mom finally found out she stopped sleeping in the same room as him, stopped kissing him goodbye to work which she had still did because he would've hit her if she didn't.
Third she wanted to leave him but she knew that he could do the same to us if they had joined custody and she rather be beat and ridiculed by our family then letting him have us by himself. (This was before my sister told us what happened ).

I hope he goes to jail so my sister will have some piece of mind that he won't hurt her and so he won't rape another person if he hasn't already.