Nothing You Can Do

The Legend That is Kurt Cobain

What if heaven isn't real? Of course I feel bad for even thinking that. But that's the only god dāmn way I will meet my idol Kurt Cobain. What would happen of I shot myself right now and nothing happened? I didn't go to heaven. I didn't meet Mr. Kurt Cobain. He wouldn't be watching over me right now, as I type this. As I live and breathe and worship the one that once lived on this earth before I was ever born. Before my parents had ever met. I want to be the female reincarnation of Kurt Cobain. I want people to respect me for my musical talent and to fear me for my past. Fear me for my mind. I want to bleach my hair and wear dark eyeliner much like my idol used to. Before someone blew his brains out. I feel like I'm going insane right now. My mind isn't the same way it was yesterday. Kurt Cobain has ruined me for the bad. What if one day I go so insane that I jump off a bridge or some shīt? I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way. How these words are even forming in my mind. As I sit in my room, in my pretty blue and black dress, I wonder what's going on in my brain. Something doesn't feel right. And no, I'm not fūcking suicidal. I just feel like I was born in the wrong decade. I want to be old enough to know how much music was appreciated in the 90s'. What it was like to be in the crowd at an insane concert and to be inches away from the stage. Not barricaded behind a fūcking metal fence, 5 aching feet from even touching the stage. Lord, if you're there, I trust you. I put my trust in you that I will one day meet the legend that is Kurt Cobain. For anyone out there that believes that there is something you could do to make the nasty thought in my head go away, there's nothing you can do.