Save me from the darkness || kth

one

It's a deep dark night. There is no stars because clouds covers everything. It looks like it's going to rain, but I don't care. I don't care if I'll get sick or even die. Actually, I want to die. Sounds funny, but I tried to do it many times and what? Every time someone finds me and voila, I'm still here. I don't think that I feel anything, but emptiness, only harming myself lets me feel something. It's stupid, I know. But what can I do about it? Find a love be happy? I wish that could be easy, but others sees me like a toy, a doll like they can play with and then throw away. Have I been in a relationship? No. But I trusted few people that ruined me and now, my shitty family continues to destroying me. Move out? Easy to say. I'm still just a high school student that has no job, no money to move out and live by my own even if I'm from so called "wealthy" family. 

Now I'm just walking down the street. I want to find a place where I could run away from my demons. I wish only minute or less of non thinking while I'm not asleep. I want to live like I used before, but it seems really hard to do. Am I depressed? I don't like to call myself like that. I.. I don't know why I'm like this. Maybe it has to be like that? I mean... Maybe after living in hell somehow I'll start to feel happiness? Maybe... Everything is just maybe. I don't even know what to think or what to do so I'm just going with the flow.

Suddenly someone grabbed my wrist. "WHATCH OUT" The husky voice appeared and I was dragged back. In moments I noticed that I was about to "pass" the street when the red light is on. If only.. If only no one would have stopped me then maybe I would be "released" from all this mess? Once again everything is just maybe.

"Why were you spacing out? You could be dead right now" Again that husky voice appeared and with those words that person tightned the grip on my wrist. I felt sharp pain and I tried to wiggle my arm away from him, but he didn't let me go. 

"Why aren't you looking at me? Are you deaf?" He said in really strict voice.

 I turned to him."Let me go" I said with blank face expression and he immediately released from his grip. The person who stopped me looks really young, but like basic korean boy.

 I turned myself to direction where I was going, but then he spoke."No 'thank you'?"

"No." I said and stopped from walking. 

He came closer."What's wrong with you?" 

"Everything." I said and started walking away. He didn't came after me and it's a relief. I don't feel confident enough to talk with strangers.

"Taehyung!" He yelled. "My name is Taehyung!" He yelled once again. I know it's rude, but I didn't reacted at all and went my own way.

- 

I came back home after long walk. To be honest I got lost, but managed to find my way back home without any device or asking someone. I just like to do all things by myself. Also, when I just came back home - yells greeted me. It was my parents. Once again about how shitty daughter I am, how terribly I look, how not normal I am and guess why everything happened? Because my "lovely" sister told parents how rude I was earlier in the day when her friends were here, but what's funny that I didn't said anything. I just refused to leaved living room and make them snacks. Yeah, I guess, lovely Layla sees me as her personal maid even tho that I'm her older sister. Fun, huh?

Right now I'm trying to fall asleep, but I can't. Thoughts are filling my head that it feels like it's going to explode. I wish I could have some sleeping pills, but after the last attempt to die I can't have them because even doctors don't want me to use them. Like they say.. I'm too much emotionally unstable so I can't clearly think and do things properly. At some point it's true, but at some I just feel like disable person that has no rights to be understand.

Fun life I have, huh?