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I'm in love with him. I want him to introduce me as his girlfriend and I want a future with him. I want to kiss him without caring who sees. I want to go on dates with him and I want to be happy with him. I want him to want me so badly. But the thing is he does want me. At least a part of him does. I think? Enough of him wants me to the point where he's kissed me even when wanting to deny feelings. He's done things to me and with me that I would never let another person do. He's changed my views on things. I'm just so in love with him. I want to hear what he's passionate about. I want him to send me paragraphs telling me about his day. I want to know when he's feeling happy or sick or sad. I want to know his fears and his goals. I want to know everything about him. Everything. I want him to ask me how I'm doing. I want to be the reason he smiles at his phone when he looks down and sees a message from me. I want to compliment him and tell him about how much I love the way he talks when he's sleepy. The way he smiles and wiggles his eyebrows at me on the mornings where we wake up next to each other. The little things that make him chuckle even if they're not that funny. I want him to know how much I love him. Every time he's feeling self conscious I want to remind him of how I love him as he is. He's masculine and strong and Handsome and I want to be able to tell him that. I want to call him babe. Mine. My love. My world. But he's already happy. He has someone. He loves her more than he loves me. That's just fact. I'm just the friend that he thought he had feelings for. I'm just the girl with a warm mouth for when he was lonely. He's my everything. And I'm nothing. He would chose Her over me in a heart beat. Without even a second thought. He would be okay without me. Without him I would be broken. I would be devestated to lose him. I would mourn as if someone had died. I would grieve. I would be in pain. He would be okay. He makes my heart swell and my muscles ache at his every touch. He makes me want him so damn badly. But I can't have him. And I know that I can't. I know that it will never work.
Or perhaps
Maybe it will.
Maybe it won't.
These maybes will keep my up at night. Maybe he'll love me. Maybe eventually he'll realize it's me and not Her. Maybe I will become the 1st option as he is mine.
Maybe he'll stop wanting to kiss me. Maybe he'll realize his love for Her is worth more to him than the warm mouth of a silly girl he had a fling with. Maybe he'll forget me. Maybe he'll push me out of his life leaving me with nothing I can do to fix things. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
But then again.
Maybe it was.
