Dead Girl

Nightmares

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                                                               ***POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING***

"Marcus!" Her wails would echo across the empty walls of her mind.. the memory haunting her every dream.. the sound of her best friends moans filtering through the cracked door as she returned home.. the laughs that she knew so well from his.. the sound of her heart breaking.  The subtle sound of the metal from the ring she had worn on her finger for only a seemingly short year, rolling across the floor as she dropped it. The thumping in her chest at the sight of every smile, the sound of every laugh stopping completely until nothing but the sounds of their condescending laughs filled her ears. She was gone.

                          Fae would sigh as her eyes opened to the seemingly colorless world that had become her reality, sitting up she would shake the memory that had come to haunt her away and pull herself from bed. The only thing to be heard was the soft patter of her little white kitten Ebony's paws running after her as she made her way to the kitchen. mew.  She would smile down to the little kit that been found outside her house only weeks before, fighting death itself; a feeling she knew all to well. "Are you hungry little one?" she would coo, reaching into the pantry for the soft kitten food that had been donated to her by the animal shelter. Ebony's powerful little meows placing a small smile on Fae's lips. "Of course you are.." she mumbled to herself as she cracked the can open and spooned a small portion into the bowl she had dubbed the kits, setting it down on the floor; the kitten rushing forward. As soon as the smile came, it was gone; depression claiming its hold once more on her heart. She would trudge to her bathroom, stripping herself down before starting the shower. Her eyes would flicker to the long, discolored scars that ran the lengths of her arms; smaller ones scattered across her body. fat. unworthy. ugly. stupid. whore.. The words flew through her mind as she scanned across the monster that stared back at her in the mirror. Her body was too big, the cellulite marks marking her skin in remembrance of every night she had gorged herself to try and fill the hole that grew within her... thinking that if she could fill it with something, anything; maybe the pain would go away. Maybe she could be normal again. The only thing it did was cause her clothes to become to tight and sink her farther into the pit of chaos that roared within her. And just like that, she became emotionless once more.                   

                  The rest of her day seemed to drag on, the images of herself in the mirror still floating through her mind, though she smiled anyways. She didn't have a choice, the faces of her first grade class smiling up at her as they did every day. Her eyes would occasionally wander to the clock as they went through their lessons; 50 minutes.. show and tell. 30 minutes. Birthdays. 20 minutes. Clean up 5 minutes. Line up. As the bell finally sounded in her ears she let out a sigh 'Friday..'  "Alright boys and girls! Remember to do your homework and I will see you all on Monday morning!" she called out to her students as the teachers aid led them to the buses and she began to pack her supplies. With a grunt she would sling her bag over her shoulder and quickly rush out the door, her eyes trained on her feet as she walked out of the building and rush to her car, leaving without another word. It was time to go home and slink back into her bed for an early night, time to return to the nightmares.