The Eye of the Goldfish

I feel the water vibrate around me when the front door slams shut. That was a powerful slam. I wonder if she had a bad day at work again? I swim around curiously, looking around the open-plan living room/kitchen area and see a faint shadow flickering against the wall of the hallway leading to the front door. I also hear her mumbling to herself in hushed tones as she walks with purpose down the hallway towards me, but there's something else in her posture. Defeat, maybe. She looks frustrated, hurt and exhausted. I hate that I can't do anything to make her feel better.

"Hey, Billy," she sighs as she walks past my neatly decorated bowl. I watch as she puts her bag down on the chair next to my table and heads into the kitchen. She reaches up into the cupboard above the sink for a glass and looks out the window while she fills it up with water from the faucet. I can't see her face since she's standing with her back to me while she sips the water, but something tells me she's sad. The way her shoulders slump when she puts the glass down and braces herself against the counter, the way she hangs her head, the way her small frame becomes even smaller as she slowly breaks down – all of this tells me she is most definitely not okay.

A knock on the door echoes through the entire flat. Jenny's head shoots up and turns towards the sound. I can now see that a few tears have slipped through her guard. She quickly wipes them from her cheeks and takes a very long, very deep breath before heading for the front door. A few seconds later the water vibrates again and she returns with her best friend Becca right behind her. The defeated look has once again taken over Jenny's whole appearance and Becca has the same worried look on her face as I do.

"But really, how are you?" she persists, probably after having gotten an unsatisfying answer by the door. Jenny looks absolutely broken, but still she brushes Becca's worries off by claiming she's fine.

"You don't have to check up on me, you know," Jenny adds, rather weakly.

Becca shrugs off her jacket and throws it on the chair next to my table before moving to the couch and sitting down.

"Yes, I do, babe. You're my best friend and you're hurting right now. Of course I'm going to check up on you. Did you get through the day alright?"

Jenny walks over to my table and picks up the fish food from the back corner of the table, being careful to face away from Becca.

"Yeah. Life goes on, right?" She sprinkles a few flakes from the little yellow container over my bowl and even though I'm not really hungry I still swim to the surface and swallow a couple of flakes so she won't feel bad. Jenny takes her time closing up the container before placing it carefully back where she took it, making sure the label is facing forward. I can see Becca watching her with sadness and sympathy painted boldly across her features.

"It's okay to miss him, you know."

Jenny stills in front of me, still facing away from Becca. Her gaze freezes on the small water tree in my bowl but the look in her eyes is way too distant for her to be actually looking at the tree. I feel so awful for her. I start swimming around my bowl trying to distract her and even do a barrel roll, but she doesn't even seem to notice I'm there. A stray tear spills from her eye, barely making it past her cheekbone before she wipes it away.

"I'm fine," she says before turning away from me and looking at Becca. "Just fine, thanks."

Becca doesn't seem too convinced, but seems to decide that she's just going to play along.

"Alright, love. Do you want to watch a movie? One with absolutely no romance in it whatsoever?" She suggests with a hopeful look.

Jenny chuckles sadly.

"Sure,"

Becca smiles and stands up from the grey couch.

"Alright. You just get comfy, I'll go get the chips and some juice or something." She walks over to the kitchen and starts gathering various pieces of junk food into her arms. "Do you want grape juice or apple?"

"Grape is fine," Jenny replies before flopping down on the couch.

"Grape it is. You know, I've been wanting to re-watch that movie with that really hot guy who joins this gang as an undercover cop. D'you know the one? Where he meets the mafia king or whate- no wait. Mafias don't have kings, do they? They have bosses, right? Anyway, that doesn't really matt-" Becca falls silent as she emerges into the living room, only to find Jenny fast asleep on the couch. Becca looks at her with a very motherly look and turns to quietly put everything away in the kitchen. She then walks back into the living room and fetches a blanket from the back of the easy-chair in the corner. After draping it over Jenny she looks around the flat and then moves to pick her jacket quietly up from the chair next to my table.

"Keep an eye on her, Billy," she says in a hushed voice. "I'll be back tonight to check on her again."

I watch as she makes her way to the front door and exits quietly, and then turn back to my poor Jenny to do exactly that; keep an eye on her. I just hope that this time she'll get to sleep a dreamless sleep tonight.    

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