Dandelion

Date Night Disaster

XX.XX.XXXX

Hey Journal.

I think things might be getting back to normal. Very slowly, but it's progress. Alex and I are going to go on a date this afternoon. Just to the movies, we think, and we might get hot chocolate later.

We have no idea, really. I should probably note that I'm shrugging, because that's hard to convey with a sentence that doesn't explicitly state the fact that I am, indeed, shrugging.

I've decided that I want to look cute tonight. I can't do makeup worth a damn, but I think I have an idea of something I can wear that would make me look cute, despite the abstract painting of bruises all over me that's starting to look like a study in the different shades of mustard.

Sherlock Holmes, anyone? A Study in Scarlet? Written in 1887? No? Okay then, nevermind. Alex was right. The Dark Lord Sauron needs to come and take me back home to the kingdom of the nerds.

I set my journal on my nightstand, getting myself up and dressed. I settled on skinny jeans and one of the new tee-shirts I'd gotten for Christmas, settling on a black one with Sherlock Holmes' silhouette on it in light grey. I pulled on one of Alex's old zip-up hoodies to keep warm, shoving my already-socked feet into my old red Chuck T's.

Alex was sitting at the kitchen bar, spinning his keys around his fingers, hunched over his phone.

I wrapped my arms around his belly and rested my chin on his shoulder. "Whatcha reading?" I asked him, glancing over his shoulder at his phone.

"Emails from our classmates," he said, turning the phone so I could see the screen better. He was less than halfway through a page of messages and he'd been out here for a while. So either people were writing long-winded emails, which wouldn't surprise me as most of my friends were English majors like me, or there were just a lot of people trying to wish me well.

If I squinted, I could make out the words.

"You've got this, Lily!"

"Stay strong, hun!"

"I believe in you, sweetie."

"You'll get through this!"

"We love you, Lily!"

"Keep going, honey!"

"Get well soon!"

"You're so strong!"

"You aren't alone, baby girl." The last one was from Alex.

I realized I was crying when I noticed the dark spot on Alex's shirt underneath my chin.

"You alright," he asked, spinning around on his stool to pull me into his arms. I nodded against his shoulder, clinging to the back of his shirt.

"They're all being so nice. . ." I whispered. "I didn't know so many people cared."

"There's a bunch of nice people in the world, Dandelion. I just got lucky and fell in love with the nicest."

I smiled into his shirt, wrapping my arms tighter around his neck. "Yeah," I chuckled. "And I managed to fall in love with a nice guy who was using the asshole façade to hide his dorky loveableness."

"I am not a dork!" He protested weakly.

"Uh huh, sure, and I'm not a fan of Lord of the Rings."

"I'm not a dork," he muttered indignantly.

I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the fact that my legs were wobbling already. "Whatever you say, dork."

Alex made a face, I assume, he usually does, then set his keys down on the counter. "Hey," he said, gently grasping my arms. "Why don't we stay in tonight, read what people have been saying, and watch a movie you know well? You can barely read my phone and you're less than seven inches away. Also, I don't see you walking too far, wobbles."

Damn, he noticed.

I nodded, frowning. "I was looking forward to this, though."

"I know you were, Dandelion. But I can't imagine you enjoying a new movie when the characters are just blobs of color to you. God knows, you'd probably get sick like that. Why don't we order pizza, put on some old movie or TV show you like, and just chill out in our PJs?"

I nodded again.

"The normal kind of pizza?"

Another nod.

"Hey, don't feel bad. We'll go see a movie after we get your glasses replaced. And we'll go out to dinner, and walk in the park, and all that stuff, okay?"

"Yeah."

"Dandelion, look at me."

I looked at him.

"I'm not mad. I'm going to order pizza, we're going to cuddle in our PJs, and it'll be a great night."

I smiled. Somehow, Alex Hutch has gone from an insensitive prick to a sweet and loving guy who knows exactly what to say to make me feel better, every time, without exception. I left him dialing the phone and ordering pizza as I stumbled back down the hall toward our bedroom, pulling off my clothes and promising myself I'd wear that outfit when Alex and I actually went out.

Crossing the room to the drawer the held my pajama's, I caught sight of my mostly naked reflection in the mirror. My body was covered with a quickly yellowing splattering of bruises, with more bruised skin than normal skin. I sat down on the floor, staring at the patches of gross yellow all over me and started to cry.

I didn't even realize it at first; it just started happening. I just curled into a ball and cried. Sitting there on the floor at the end of my bed, almost completely naked, I just started sobbing. And I mean I was bawling. I can't remember a time since my mom died that I had cried this hard. My entire body was shaking, and my whole face was wet. My shoulders were rubbing hard against the carpet and I could feel them starting to burn, but the ache in my body was nothing compared to the agony in my heart.

I felt like Alice, when she cried a small ocean of tears in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

I just let the misery pour out of my eyes like waves when the ocean is stormy. My heart felt like it was being thrown around in a wooden dinghy in the middle of the sea with no land in sight.

I cried because I was angry, and hurting, and I missed my mom. I was crying because I was receiving so much support from people I'd never even met, and they were all being so nice. I was crying because of just how close I was to dying. But mostly, I was crying because I hurt Alex. My own damn stubbornness to face my father alone nearly killed me, and that almost killed him. He'd never said as much, but I could see it in his eyes. He was so scared, and he was hurting so bad, and it was my fault. That fact alone hurt me more than my father's beatings ever could.

Then his arms were around me and damn it, here he is saving me again! He tucked Theo into my arms, and I clutched my oldest friend like a child, wailing into Alex's shirt.

"I'm sorry," I sobbed, over and over, until I finally calmed down.

"Hey, don't sweat it, baby girl," he whispered. "This is just a road bump. A hiccup. We'll get through this together, okay? Just like everything else. We'll get through it." He kissed my cheek, pulling me into his lap. "I promise."